October 9, 1994

293. Orphaned Minke Whales: Norwegian Scientific Whaling

The ocean lies so comforting about me,
Enveloping me in her wondrous arms.
The midday sun is filtering down
Through the majestic blue water
As my eyes stretch toward the surface.
Faster and faster I push upwards,
My lungs beginning to hurt.
Struggling...struggling...and finally...
A breath of fresh misty air.

I’ve been down so long,
I didn’t think I’d ever make it back.
Mom said that I had to stay down
When the boats came.
Wait!  Mom...I’d almost forgotten...
Where’s mother at?
She said when the boats came
She’d meet me here.
I’m looking around,
But she’s not here.

“Mother...Mother, where are you?
Stop playing...this isn’t funny!”

She’s not here.
She’s always playing like this.
I’ll go look around.
I remember the first time
I poked my head out of the water.
It was a new world to see.
I’ll just look around.
I know I’ll find her.

Oh, there she is.
Look, she’s playing with that boat.
Mom always says you have to be careful
And watch the people carefully
Because some boats you could play with
And some boats you had to run from.
This must be a nice boat
Because mom is getting so close.
Look...they’re yelling to her!
Mom must be playing...
I’ll go over and see...

It’s so nice of the people to talk to mother.
She says she doesn’t trust them,
But now, maybe she won’t--
What...What are you saying?  Go away?

No, mother, I want to meet the people, too.
Oh, look, now they’re saying hello to me.
So funny how they point and scurry about.
Oh, hello, people.
Wow, this water sure is dirty...
We must be close to shore.
What’s mother doing now?
Mother, stop it...you’re gonna knock over--
Uh-oh, she knocked over the little boat.
How funny...look at the people swimming away.
The don’t swim very well.

Mother...why’d you knock over the boat?
That was funny--
What?  Okay, let’s swim away.
What’s wrong, mother, you’re swimming slow?
What...What do you mean
I’m going to have to go north by myself?
I can’t find it...
Oh, mom, don’t be silly--
Oh, mother, you’re bleeding--
What happened, mother?
What’d they do to you?!
Mother, c’mon, let’s get outta here!
C’mon, we have to go, mother!!!
But, mother, if we--
Okay, okay, I’m listening.
Speak louder, mom, I can’t hear you...
Yes, mother, I promise to stay away
From the people, but you’ll be here
To help me, mother.
Stop talking like that, mother!
You’re not going anywhere!
I can’t make it on my own!
Mother...tell me you’ll be here...
You’re scaring me now...
Oh, mother, why aren’t you moving?
Oh no, she stopped breathing...
Mother, wake up!
Oh, please, mother wake up!!!
Here comes another boat, mother!!!
What should I do, mother...
Oh please wake up, mother!!!...

October 3, 1994

292. If Ever I Wanted To...

If ever I wanted
To commit suicide,
I would just sit
And recite your name
Over and over again
Until the sheer pain
Of hearing your name,
Remembering a time
When your love was mine,
Would break my heart in two...
And dead I would lie on the floor.
O, dead I would lie on the floor.

September 22, 1994

291. When Robert Journeyed On

As long as I walk upon this Earth,
       And perhaps even beyond that,
I will remember what it was like
       The day we put Robert’s body in the ground.
How sorrowful we were,
       Each of us crying and weeping,
Even though Robert had asked
       That we not cry at his grave.
For the first time in years,
       We were all together again.
Each one of our separate lives
       Meeting at a single point again
       Where Robert’s life would end
       On the small plot of land, this deep, dark hole.
We tried to console each other,
       But all we could think of was Robert.
He was taken from us early,
       So much in the prime of life.
His entire life was before him,
       Cut short by a child with a gun.
So senseless it seems
       That someone with a future so bright,
       And a mind that could give the world
          So so much
Would be taken away from the Earth
       And journey onward to the beyond.
Forever will I remember
       The night Robert was taken away,
For it changed each one of our lives;
       Took a wonder away from the world
       And took the innocence of life
          Away from us all.

                         In Loving Memory Of Robert Sapinoso

April 13, 1994

290. A Life-Long Smile

I see in you such a smile
       That never goes away;
A warmth so deep and true
       To clear up these skies of grey...

I hope that all life-long,
       Your smile will never fade.
For all the treasures in the world,
       Your smile, I would not trade...

Each time I see your grin,
       I make a wish, I must confess,
That no matter what you do,
       You will find happiness.......

March 26, 1994

289. Soft, Quiet Image

Quiet, empty dreams.
        Plain, meaningless song--
                All verse is the same--
Different words, different rhymes,
        Meaning all the same;
                Painful, mournful sorrow.
Lost, wandering strangers
        Have more to say to me
                Than the lips which I have kissed.
Gentle, quiet beasts that
        In the ocean do swim
                Have some to mean so much more
                Than love and life do anymore.
It seems at times
        T’would be easier to die
                Than to love another more than you--
My princess; I held you so warmly
                                in these arms,
        Just seconds before
                                I let you slip away.
        My dreams, my ambitions
                Were all visions of you,
                        Faded so far away
                                When you left my side.
This life I will live in turmoil
        Without you here at my side,
                Wandering aimlessly, loveless and scorned.
And when I turn to die,
        I know my last thoughts
                Will be a soft, quiet image
                        Of your beautiful face.......

March 15, 1994

288. Thoughts At The Pub...Last Call

It's the last call--
          Last chance to escape
          Far away into a better world.
What ale shall I choose
          Just minutes before
          I stumble out the door?
What poison will I drink
          To chase these dreams away
          Until another gloomy day?
I look across the table
          At that woman's
          Quiet blue eyes,
Thinking what does it matter
          When you won't remember
          Any of this in the morning.
"Bring me reality in a shot glass,
          And I'll chase it with my dreams,
          That way, when it hits me--
          I'll have a dream-filled reality,
          And realistic dreams!"
The bartender laughs
          And hands me moonshine and a gun
          With this playful line:
"This is much safer for you
          Than falling in love again."

287. Thoughts At The Pub...An Orca's Eyes - No World At All

Sudden, quiet eyes--
       Darting, Shifting, So Constantly Moving.
       Hollow, dark shining circles in the sea,
       Yet, behind such a cold exterior,
       Compassion and intelligence lies.
Swimming briskly through their world,
       Brilliant whispers call into the sea,
       Searching for answers
              To questions that are misunderstood.
What vanity, what conceit
       We have as mortal human beings
       To assume this world is ours--
       That we may do with it as we please.
Every lifetime will see a crossroads--
       Every life see a decision to be made--
              For this lifetime, our question is this...
What world are we leaving
       For our children to see--
       Or are we leaving any world
                                   at all?

286. Thoughts At The Pub...Never Found...

What is love anyway?
     A soft, quiet dream,
     Or a harsh, loud reality?
I'd tell you if I knew,
     But I have no idea.
Love has escaped me
     All this pitiful life--
And even though I have it all--
     Love is forever missing.
Each day I try to find it,

     But still, I have hope--
     For I am young with so much time,
But what I fear that most
     Is the day when I realize
     I have no one to love--
     No one to love me
     And I have no hope--
     For I am old with so little time left...

285. Thoughts At The Pub...Will My Princess Ever Live?

I pictured her eyes--
     The way they glimmer
     In the dancing candle-light,
     Their bright luster,
     Their wondrous mystery,
     Their quiet beauty--
Before I ever took the time
To actually gaze upon them.
I didn’t need to see her eyes--
     I already knew just who she was;
     She was the princess from my dreams...

Virtually every night,
     As I lay asleep,
     Gazing with my eyes closed
     Into the distant world
     Where hopes run free,
     And dreams are reality,
I dream the same dream
     Over and over again...

I stand quietly by the sea,
     Bare-foot in the sand
     Feeling the cold breeze
          As it pushes up the shore.
My eyes glimmer in the twilight,
     Watching the sun set on the blue water,
     Listening to the surf crash;
     Watching dolphins swim the waves...

When softly, on my shoulder,
     I feel a hand rest so warm.
Startled, I turn my head,
     My grip already on my sword.
As I turn over my shoulder,
     I meet a pair of brilliant eyes,
     Long, wondrous strands
          Oscillating in the wind,
     And the warmth of a beautiful smile...

She stands so close;
     I can feel her warmth.
Her long, flowing gown,
     A wave of thick magenta
     Lined in jewels and gold
     Shudders and flaps in the wind.
The frail, diamond-covered crown
     Sits so frail upon her head.
Her words are soft--
     So soft, I can barely make them out.
She asks only this question--
Will she forever be my princess,
     And I, forever her prince...

I stab my sword into the sand,
     And turn to hold her
                       in my embrace,
     And with gleaming, brilliant eyes,
          To her, I say this...

For this lifetime,
     And any other that we may live,
Not even the waves of time
     Will pull me from your arms;
And should one day,
     I awake without you by my side,
I will search through all the world,
     Until once more,
          You, my princess, I find...

284. Thoughts At The Pub...My Heart Is So Much More

How oft I've tried to understand--
Yet, each time I try,
You just tell me that I can't.
Never do you give me a chance
To try to see this world
   Through your eyes.
You only say,
   "You're trying too hard."
Maybe I try so hard,
          my dear,
   Because I don't want to understand,
          For I loved you anyway.
And even though I don't know why,
   A small piece of my heart
          Will love you always--
So why try to understand my love
   When happiness will be yours
          The day you learn to trust
                  Not me, but my heart,
   For my heart is so much more
          Than I will ever be...

283. Thoughts At The Pub...Apart, We Are None

Now that you have gone,
Shout aloud across the wind,
And let all the world
Hear the words leave your lips;
Leap high into the air,
Look across the vast sea,
And realize your dreams;
Run through the empty field,
So fast that bad dreams
Can no longer catch you,
Yet, please, dear girl,
Do not fall away so far
That even your hopes
And the dream you've forgotten
Can no longer save you
From the life you so easily toss away.
And the day you finally see
No man in this lifetime--
Or for all eternity--
Will love you as much as me,
Will be the day I know
I will love another
Far more than I ever loved you....

282 Thoughts At The Pub...The Poet II

The pub is full of people---
       All of them laughing,
              Joyously reveling over their drink.
Each one has a dream,
       Each drink, a new vision.
Everyone has a smile--
       A pocket full of posies,
              A hand full of dreams-come-true,
Except for the lone one in the corner,
       His eyes shallow under the candle-light,
              His face molded into a frown.
       He wears only black,
              For he is the one cursed
              With emotions so deep--
He knows all about love,
       All about happiness,
Yet, he's never actually seen
       A smile in the mirror,
              Or received a card on Valentine's Day.
He is not a freak, nor a loner
       He is much worse off than that--
              He is a poet...

281. Thoughts At The Pub...Innocence Lost III: This Time, It Was Me

What is absent here?
What is gone from these words
       That I once knew so well?
Each day, I pen a new line,
       Yet, how long it has been
              Since my heart touched the page.
I've walked to the sea,
       Drawn to the waves my question,
              And received no answer...
I've turned to the sky,
       Shouted to the clouds above,
              And received no answer...
I've asked time and time again--
       "What is gone from the words?"
              And then, I realized what it was.
Somewhere along the way,
       At some point on this journey,
              Love left my side,
              Tears showed my pain,
              And somewhere in between,
                     I lost my innocence;
                     And now, I want it back.
Too late, I suppose,
       But as a candle dying in the wind,
              I'll close my eyes and remember
                     A time way back when
                     My words were my love,
                     And my love was you...

280. Thoughts At The Pub...Untrue; A Child's Dream

I Need A Drink--

Tossing ideas 'round my head...

Deadlines!  Deadlines!  Deadlines!

Always so busy, Yet always-

                           Doing nothing at all...

Is this all there is?

These pointless, meaningless words-

                           Nothing more?

Funny, all the Dreamers told me

   When I was such a child,

          That there would be more--

                           So much more than this.

T'would be a lie to say this was nothing,

   Yet, all of these somethings...

          Add up to nothing...

                           Just like these words.

279. Thoughts At The Pub...BirraPoretti's

Booming, Cheerful Voices
   Echoing Loudly Through The Pub;
Dim, Soft Light All Around,
   Accented By The Dancing Candle-light...

The long, mahogany Irish bar
   Where dreams are dreamt,
   And lifetimes spent;
   Where reality is pushed away,
   And hopes are no longer crushed...

The shaking hands that hold
   All the alcoholic sights--
   The over-worked businessman,
   The under-aged drunkard,
   The quiet, plain-eyed widow,
   And all of reality's
          Other patrons of life...

The beautiful, warm-voiced waitress;
   The one who smiles so beautifully
   Under long, dark strands
   And her brilliant, wondrous eyes.
   You feel like you've known her life-long,
   But her beauty still makes you nervous...

The music is much too loud,
   Yet, not loud enough;
   A couple is dancing by the bar,
   So close, so in love
   That you can see their dreams
          In their glimmering eyes...

The lonely people watching
   That couple in sheer joy,
   Their eyes cut with envy,
   Their smiles telling lies,
   Wishing reality was a dream
   That they could dream sober...

Everyone here knows your face;
   They've seen you a thousand times,
   But how many people know who you are?
   How many people know who you are?
   There are too few to mention,
   It's too trivial to matter...

And when your drink spills across the table
   And suns down on to the floor,
   You rest your head on the wood,
   Lying face down in the ale,
   Slowly passing out at the bar
   And ask yourself
   Why, what am I doing here?...

But, you know you're here for one reason;
   This is the only place
   Where you're at home,
   The only place here your dreams
   Are no longer dreams,
   But beautiful, wondrous reality
   Waiting only seconds out the door...

February 23, 1994

278. Dancing Under The Sun

Do you remember dancing
                 under the sun?
All in life was a marvel,
And reality seemed so far away.
Our hearts were together as one,
And it seemed we would never part.
Love was so grand--
We envied no one - our lives were perfect,
So perfect that love envied us.
What I would give
To make those days ours once again--
To return you to my arms--
Day after hopeless day,
I wander through the rain,
Storm clouds forever over my head.
You are my first thought in the morn,
My first dream each night,
And every thought and dream in between;
Every second, every moment,
Praying that one day in my life,
We will once again
                 Dance under the sun.......

February 22, 1994

277. When I Lost You...

It's the same old story--
Chasing dreams we know we'll never find.
I can't ever seem to let go
Of the images dancing
           in my mind.
You're not who you used to be
And I won’t let myself believe
That you have gone away--
The girl you once were,
Never again will I find.
You've drifted so far away from me
That no longer do you treat me kind.
You spite each word I say,
Telling me my concern for you is gone.
I tell you "I love you,"
You tell me you haven’t got the time.
I tell you "I miss you,"
You tell me to just be quiet.
Listen to the words you use,
They cut sharper than knives.
At times you say you care for me,
Then you turn and run far away.
You don't want to "deal" with me--
I just don't fit into your life.
You say that you love me,
Then the next minute,
           you're playing with my mind.
How can you do this to me
When all that has grown cold
Is the way you hold my in your arms.
You've fallen away from me--
Disappeared out of my life.
Each time I try to get next to you,
You just push me aside.
I've tried so hard just to let you see
This wondrous world I'd give to you,
Yet each time you speak to me,
You tell me I just don not understand--
How can I understand
When you just run me out of your life.
We once were one, not two,
But now all that matters is you.
I can only hope one day you realize
When I am no longer waiting by your side--
The pain that you caused my heart
Because it was second best
Behind the world you've fallen to.
I don't know you anymore--
Or why you've become this way.
I only wanted to give you the world,
But there's things more important in your life.
Perhaps one day you will understand
How harshly you treated me--
How coldly you pushed me away
And how much it saddened me
To know you didn’t want me around.
So next time you yell at me
And tell me to leave you alone,
I hope you can remember, dear,
All the times I forgave you.
All I'm trying to do is love you,
Take you away to paradise,
And all you do
Is turn your back and walk away...

276. "The Face I Can't Escape"

It's the same old story--
We're always holding on to the past.
I can't let the mem'ries go,
                     just fade away.
Under this sunset so bright,
I can't learn to just forget,
Can't let these tears fall down.
I've tried day after day,
Just to get you off my mind.
No matter where I may go,
No matter the countless hours that go by,
I'll never escape your beauty,
Never just turn and run far away.
Each night as I lay awake,
Praying for the new dawn,
Your figure dances before my eyes
And I know never will life be complete--
Until you are in my arms.
For all the rest of my life,
I will journey through these storm clouds,
Searching endlessly day by day,
Never forgetting where I've been,
Always remembering your precious face.......

February 21, 1994

275. When Christy Disappeared

Shadowed under mystic moon light,
       Forever will I remember
       When first I saw your laughter;
              Eyes glimmering softly,
              Such a magnificent heir.
              Countenance of an angel;
              A beauty so divine.
So wondrous you looked that night,
       How I longed to hold you,
       To sweep you away into a world
              Where all the problems,
              All the hardships of this life
              Fall away into a two-fold bliss,
              Dreaming of waking you each morning,
                                 quietly......with a kiss.
Such delicate words caressed your lips;
       With each subtle gesture you made,
       I hung on the edge of heaven--
              Hoping, Wishing, Praying for some sign
              That you wanted to be mine.
              ‘Twould be a dream come true
              To share this life with you......
Quiet are these mem’ries now,
       As they look through stained glass,
       Images beautiful, yet tainted.
              From time to time,
              I wonder where you’ve gone,
              If your beauty still walks this earth,
              And if ever, you stop to remember me......
How oft I’ve thought of looking,
       Trying to find you in the crowd,
       Yet, each time I take a step,
              My heart reels me back
              As I wonder and wonder
              If you disappeared for a reason,
              Or if you only wanted away from me......

February 1, 1994

274. Growing Tired

" 'cause it'll never happen again. "

How oft I've said to you,
     Just moments before I managed
          To do it once more.
Empty promises
     Are all I ever seem to give to you.
          Maybe that's why
               I shouldn't promise anymore.

" I love you. "

Each time you say to me,
     You prove more and more
          That you mean not a word you say.
Subtle lies
     Are the only thing you give to me.
          Could that be why
               I don't want to hear anymore?

Now it seems all that we share
     Are empty promises and subtle lies;
Gone is the love that we once knew,
               Never to return.
We are candles dying slowly in the breeze...

January 19, 1994

273. Tiffany's Birthday

Today was Tiffany's Birthday
   And I remembered how it used to be,
Those two long years ago...
All was so wondrous,
   It seemed a dream come true,
And she loved me with all her heart.
I remember dancing with her,
Sharing in all her joy and bliss,
Gazing at her beauty...my beauty.
Who would have thought on that day,
   That I would fall in love so deeply,
   Then, like a fool, throw it all away.
We once shared the most intimate dreams,
   Dreams of lifelong bliss
   And a love the world has never seen.
Oh, I remember how she loved me,
   How she cherished our love
   With innocent, caring eyes.
Never have I forgiven myself
   For tossing such a wonder away,
And my soul knows I never will.
I spent one birthday
   With my precious Tiffany,
And so it will remain forever.
She will celebrate many, many more
   With others in her heart;
   Maybe someday with her children,
And though her gorgeous eyes won't see,
   I will celebrate the same January 19th
   When I sit alone in regret, and bow my head to cry.......

January 17, 1994

272. All This Love Undone

Your angel-eyes will never understand
What my heart is telling you.
I think you shall never know how I long
For you to love me as you used to.
You know not how hard I try
To give you all that you may desire,
For I would risk my life for your heart,
Throw my body into the fire.
I listen to you say you still love me,
As further and further you drift away.
You say you long to be mine again,
Yet you close up to me more each day.
You once were so open with love
That you cared not what I did wrong,
For in the morning, you'd forget
And awake me by singing a love song.
Not it seems you hold a deadly dagger
And wish us to be forever apart.
What soul lies within your eyes,
That would wish to run such daggers through my heart?
How my heart has grown to fear
That day you no longer care,
For you have pushed me so far away,
That when I cry out, you are not there.
It seems as though you may be forever lost,
All our love, All these moments undone,
As our hearts and souls begin to part,
Never again in this world to be one...

271. Little Girl Lost

Your angelic eyes will never see
What my heart is trying to say.
I've shared so much with you
Over the years of our lives...
I've watched you grow up with me,
I've even heard your passionate sighs.
I've walked the endless road with you,
Together we've traveled
       To the edge of Heaven.
I've seen you slip away
Into a world much too deep
For your own heart to handle,
Where evil wears the face of friends,
And souls are bought and sold.
SO hard I fought to find you,
To reach through the dismal gloom,
And pull you out of that world,
Bringing you to safety by my side
Where love could be your protector.
And once I had you safe with me,
I turned my head away from you,
Not even long enough to  escape your face,
And you again were traveling that dark road,
Journeying once more into that world
Where not even my love keeps you safe.
So now, here I sit,
No idea where you are, or who you're with,
Or even if you still breathe alive.
I've lost you once again
To the evil bearing the face of friends.
No matter how hard I try,
You still refuse to see
That you are not gaining friends,
But losing the destiny meant for you and me.
You've pushed me away so far,
As you explore this world
You think your heart desires,
But perhaps once you do realize
What a mirage your world has become,
It will be too late for me to pull you out,
Much too late for me to return to your arms...

270. See Not My Tears

Mine eyes broke into tears.
Uncontrollable, painful sorrow
Overcame my silent frame
As I gazed upon you sleeping,
Your dreams calling to me
Through your distant sighs.
So long had it been
Since my longing eyes
Had looked upon you...
So long that I’d forgotten
How beautiful you are
When you sleep.
Just one look at your visage
And my valiant heart fell
As into a distant world,
I flew at the mercy of love.
My hands shook so frantically,
And no longer could I breathe.
God, how I had missed you
In the long months
That my heart had been away,
Chasing needless, selfish dreams
And leading you astray.
Before I could stop to think,
Or even hide form you my tears,
The pillow upon which you slept
Was damp with my crying
And slowly, you began to wake.
Quickly, I stopped my shaky hands
And dried all traces of the tears
From my lost eyes and shallow face.
I darted across the room
And sat so far away,
Pretending I was occupied
As slowly, you opened your eyes.
I appeared not to notice
As you came to realize
The pillow was soaked in tears,
And our love throughout these years.
You asked me if in your sleep
You had begun to cry.
I said that I did not know,
That I wasn’t paying attention.
I still do not know
If you realize those were my tears
That woke you from your distant sleep,
Trying to make you finally see
That apart, our lives equal none
And only together will you and I
Conquer this world to find our destiny....