July 30, 1992

208. While You Were Away: "I Am So Afraid Of Living In Oblivion"

I. Life’s Mirror Of Reflection

Such countless times
Throughout all of my life,
From just a baby,
To now being called a man,
I have sat in this very spot,
High on this same cliff,
Gazing quietly at the ocean below,
The powerful surf hitting the shore
With the majesty of all the empires
From the beginning of the world
And the vast ocean spanning to the horizon
Like a quiet, blue blanket of endless time.
I’ve come here in play and jest,
To speak to the Lord and feel his power,
To cry my sorrow away in the ocean,
To feel again a life I once wanted to end,
To rejoice a beautiful poem,
And now, here I sit, crying once more.
Such tears are no longer alone
With no one in the world to share them with.
These tears are for you, my love...
Who would have thought I could possibly
Miss someone so much as I miss you?
Such a painful past is far behind me--
I no longer wish to leave this world--
And the happiness we share means
More to me than anything I’ve ever held,
Yet, often, I wonder what could be
If ever I had to live without you
And it scares me more than death ever could...

II. Rainy Yesterdays

Through vague memories
Clouded in mystery and dust,
Cast away from my mind
For one reason or another,
And faces that now seem so unfamiliar,
I remember a time when
A cheerful line I’d never written,
No sweetness in such heartless words of morbidity,
Wond’ring what the new dawn
Would bring to my tear-filled eyes.
All I wanted in life was death.
My dreams were harsh as reality,
Yet reality seemed nothing but a painful dream.
When first you and I spoke,
And our lives finally crossed paths,
You couldn’t hide the pain in your eyes.
I knew deep in my heart what you felt
And how you wondered why things
Were as they turned out.
At that moment in time,
Whatever the cost, whatever the hardships,
I knew I had to take the pain away
From both our hearts.
How I sought to change the pain
Into a happiness we both could share...

III. The Love We Now Share

As time passed through smiles and tears,
You and I have forged something
Stronger than the oldest stone,
More beautiful than all the world,
And ever-lasting as the heavens above.
Life is no longer mine and yours,
It has become ours,
The beauty of what we share
Could never be surpassed.
Our dreams are one in the same.
Our love could conquer the world,
Our friendship is more divine
That the holiest of temples on Earth.
All of the things you and I share
Can all be set into one phrase...
We explore the mysteries of life
Side by side, always together...
And that means more to me
Than anything else in all the world,
For the hardships are not as frightening,
And the joys are much more brilliant
Now that we share them together...

IV. Tomorrow’s Uncertainty

Though your love and all its beauty
Has made me happier than ever before,
I ask of you, my love, what do you see
When you gaze through the clouds
And try to make out how the future will be?
Will you and I truly be in love
For all of eternity and beyond?
What if one day, all of this is gone?
What if this will be a memory
And not the future we long for?
If I had to live my life
Without you here by my side,
I’d be swimming alone
In the middle of the ocean at night.
Upon the horizon, I would see
A single light on the water.
No matter how long I swam,
No matter how fast I pushed on,
The light would never grow closer,
Only sit in the same spot,
Beckoning me needlessly on.
My dreams would all slip away
And my hopes would no longer be
Enough to keep me afloat,
And sure as the sun, I’d slip away
Down into the ocean’s depths,
My soul never to rise again...
Yet, what if we stay forever true
And our love is endless abroad
From this day forward
Until the end of time?
What joyous years we could share,
Spending the beauty of life
Together as one.
We could explore life’s mysteries
And conquer each and every one.
Just give me your hand, dear girl,
And the future will be ours...

V. Tell Me You Want The Same

So, here I sit high above the sea,
Watching the day fade away
And pass on into the night.
The sound of the crashing surf
Echoes even louder than before.
My eyes strain through the moonlight
As I search the night for you.
I’ve seen us grow close together,
Conquering it all together as one,
But what I have not seen,
And never shall,
Is what tomorrow will bring.
Yes, I fear that pain may someday
Be close to my heart again,
But what I fear more than that
Is Living In Oblivion,
Not knowing if tomorrow’s sky
Will be a brilliant blue, or a shadowy grey.
Tell me, my love, what do you feel?
I want us to be forever,
To share the joy of the rest of our lives.
Show me you love me, my dear,
Reach over to me when next we are one,
Kiss my lips, and tell me you want the same.......

July 28, 1992

207. While You Were Away: While You Were Away

So many things have passed before me
Since last my eyes saw your beauty.
Some made me smile, even laugh,
Some made my hands shake, my heart pound,
And some even made me shed a tear
And hang my sullen head down to cry,
Yet each has shown me the same thing about life...
Regardless of how long could pass
For my eyes not to see you, my arms not to hold you,
Of all the things in this world,
From pain to happiness, back to tears, then to smiles,
Love is really all that matters,
And I have and will forever more
Love you more than anything in all the world.......

206. While You Were Away: Slow Dancing II: Without You

If I could recall the last time
We danced closely to a ballad
Under a starlit sky,
I don’t think I’d be crying
That way that I am right now.
A soft, subtle love song was echoing
Through my ears
As I sat quietly under the stars.
To each his own, a lady in his arms,
As I saw eyes begin to shine
And hearts slowly fall in love.
I tried not to look on...
Oh, I tried not to watch,
But soon my eyes were fixed upon
Warm, tender kissed, young, innocent glances,
And so many dreams taking shape.
My vision was clouded
And no longer could I see.
Another asked me to dance with her,
But I shook my head no, hiding my tears.
Never did I want anything more
In all of my dream-filled life
Than to take you into my arms
And dance with you to share
My warm, tender kisses,
A young, innocent glance,
And tell you all of my dreams,

Yet when I reached to me side,
you had gone so very far away.
Quietly, I wiped the tears from my eyes
To gaze up into the sky.
Just then, I felt arms around me,
Only to find your love holding me
And telling me it was all right.
The memories we’ve shared
And the spirit of our love
Got me through the saddest love song of all.
Yet what I would give to not live a memory,
But to dance with you tonight.......

205. While You Were Away: Hole In My Heart

Once I said to you, my love,
That when you part from me
And go so very far away,
A piece of my heart is with you,
Never to return until I hold you once more.
Four weeks have gone by
Since you turned and ran away,
Taking the piece of my heart with you
I’ve counted the days,
Watching the minutes pass me by,
Minutes I should have spent with you,
And the hole in my heart,
The empty spot only you can fill
Continues to grow on and on.
So many nights I’ve cried silently,
Sometimes I think I even cry in my sleep,
Because without you here,
       The world is losing its meaning.
My heart aches, but for only one reason--
Since you have gone,
There’s been no one to love.......

204. While You Were Away: Tell Me The World Has Not Changed

Darkness of night was all around me;
Whether my eyes were open or closed,
It was all the same shade of black.
Slowly, my mind drifted away
And I left my security behind me
In my own world to venture on
Across the rainbow and the heavens
Far into such a wondrous land of dreams.
Before me you sat, my one true love.
Never had I seen you so beautiful
And never had I been more in love.
Slowly, I reached my hand to touch you,
Yet your eyes had lost their sparkle
And you cowered away.
“What is it, my sweet?” I pleaded,
Yet you only turned your eyes away.
Then your lips parted to day,
“Please...please...just go away.
It’s been so long, a world of change,
That today, you know me no more,
And tomorrow, you will know even less.”
You woke me with those words
And from the land of dreams I returned.
Now, here I sit, waiting for you to come home,
Wondering if dreams can be reality,
Or if my reality of loving you forever
              Was nothing but a dream.......

July 20, 1992

203. While You Were Away: I Will Never Run Away

Take a walk on a sunny day.
Look across the blue sky,
Listen to the sounds of the world,
And pass your eyes over all its beauty.
Think with such passion, my love,
As you walk in the beauty we share,
What all this world would be
With out my eyes to gaze upon you,
Without my arms to protect you (hold you),
Without my words to give you love,
What do you see without me by your side?
Last night as I lay in my sleep,
I had such a nightmare that
You ran away from me
And I had to live my life of an angel’s tears
Without your eyes, your arms, and your words,
And I felt such a horrid pain.
Ask yourself, dear girl, what your life would be
Without me by your side...
Now that you have realized how painful
Such a thing could be...
I will tell you that I will never run away
So that you will not know what life is
Without my love to gaze upon, protect you (hold you),
       And give you more than you could ever dream of.......

202. While You Were Away: I Shed A Tear For The Roses

I went to the flower shop today
       To visit the roses.
Funny, I’d forgotten what they looked like
       Without you here to give them to.
As my eyes met with their beauty
       And my hands met with the delicate petals.
I could not shake the image of you
       Painted deep in my heart.
I felt a tear fill my eye -- yes, only one
       Just alone like I am without you here.
With vanity in my soul,
       And all of my endless dreams in mind,
I once thought I was invincible--
       That I could conquer anything in all the world,
But now that you are not here,
       I’ve realized such a beautiful thing--
Without you, I have no dreams to fulfill
       And no one in all the world that I could share
       The beauty of these roses with.......

July 17, 1992

201. While You Were Away: All Of This From Just The Sound Of Your Voice

Quietly, the darkness hangs about me
As I lie here alone in my bed.
The early-morning sky has seen no light
And neither have I since you went away.
My chest aches from the excitement
And my love is soaring through the clouds.
How I’ve longed to hear your voice--
So much that my ears have ached
And my soul could hear no other song
That the one your voice sends to me--
And now, finally, I await the moment
To hear you say my name,
To hear you tell me it will be all right.
I was at the end of my rope,
No where to go but fall down
Because I had not heard my song
In what seemed to be years.
Just hearing your voice on the other end
Made my heart want to live again,
And I knew then, at that second,
Just what life was all about--
The reason I am here, and write these words,
Is to show all the world what life can be
Through a love more beautiful
Than anything mere man could ever see.
Here I lie, my mind and heart on you,
Wishing two weeks to pass away,
For that is when finally, my aching, tearful eyes
Will rest their glance on the one true thing
I will forever and always hold
More precious than all the world’s gold,
More endearing than the hearts
Of over one-hundred thousand young maidens--
The beauty and love I see in you,
Always and forever...my one love so true.......

July 8, 1992

200. While You Were Away: Upon Writing My 200th Poem...

Looking back, from just only yesterday,
To far back when my skies were forever grey,
I have read all of the The Poet’s words again--
All the pain that would haunt one thousand men,
If only they had lived the life of the stranded,
The tormented, loveless...me, the unwanted...
So many days, months, and years are all in the words,
Soft as the roses, yet strong as the swords.
So many gifts--I’ve given it all away,
The roses, the sea, the night, the day,
The stars, the moon, the sun,
And now that it is all done,
I cannot help but shed two more tears,
One for me and one for the years.
From the sad depths of the sea
To the highest mountain where hearts run free,
I have ventured through sun and rain,
Felt the deepest love and the worst of pain.
Though the words have taken a turn,
There is still so much more to learn
About how one girl’s happiness could change me,
And make me see the things I never see.
It is hard to say goodbye to a painful yesterday,
The times when love hurt in every way,
But as I turn my back and walk further on,
I await this new day, this glorious new dawn
              Where all of the verse is about only you,
              And our live are forever one and never two.......

July 7, 1992

199. While You Were Away: A Quiet, Mournful Rain

I woke early this morning,
Not with the rising sun,
For the sky had turned grey
And soft, warm raindrops
Were tapping on my window.
I thought then, what woke me?
Was it late in the day?
No, it was still only six hours
Into this gloomy, dreary day.
Maybe it was thunder or lightning?
No, this was a quiet, mournful rain
Like the storm inside my lonely heart.
It was then I realized what woke me--
A pillow soaked through with one thousand tears.
I had been dreaming of you
And how much my heart missed you,
While I was in my house of silence,
Drowning in this cold puddle of tears.
Please, my love, come back to me
Before I slip under my tears...forever.......

July 6, 1992

198. While You Were Away: I Look To You, Yet You Have Gone

I turned over my shoulder yesterday
To look beside me so that I might see
Your longing, loving eyes gaze into my heart,
And take me away to your heavenly world,
Yet you were gone...you, whom I looked to for love,
              life, and my hope, gone away.
I looked down, trying to hide the tears that were falling.
My body weak, I lie softly in my bed,
And close my eyes to run to you in my dreams,
Roses soft as your face in my hands
And my love as wondrous as your beauty in my heart,
Yet, though I search endlessly, I see you not.
Where are you, my love?  Oh, why have you gone away?
Tighter and tighter I hold the roses,
As my eyes long to see you, the thorns cutting my flesh,
Teardrops of life leaving my frame forever...
“Show me!” I cry.  “Show me your face that I may live!”
And still, nothing appears; Only the pain is here,
The quiet, murderous pain stalking my heart.
If only I can keep it in on piece
              Until you come back to me.......

197. While You Were Away: No Arms To Hold Me

The sun quietly sets across the evening sky
As God’s angels flee the darkness
To leave me all alone in my dreary night.
All the lights are gone and my candle burns,
The shadows dancing on the walls, laughing at me
As I lie alone in my blue world,
My arms clutched tightly around my pillow,
And harsh, endless tears flowing down my face.
Slowly, I pass my watering eyes down to my chest
And gaze upon the cold, lifeless material locked in my embrace.
Oh, I ask myself, oh, where are you, my love?
                     Gone and left me alone.
Not one single embrace has gripped my frame
Since last my eyes met with your beauty,
And this lifeless clump has no arms to hold me,
No beautiful eyes to gaze upon, and no loving words
                     To offer me such warmth as you do.
Though I know deep in my heart, no one will ever take your place,
Here I still lie, clutching my pillow tightly,
Holding on for dear life, waiting for you to return
       To save me from this pain of loneliness.......