December 24, 1993

269. The Falsehood Of Dreams

Wretched, vile, cursed dreams,
Oh, how I spite your treacherous world.
You wake me from this dreary sleep,
And whisk me away to an unknown land
Where reality is not what it seems,
Yet all that seems unreal is reality.
How you toy with this fragile heart,
Toss me into a whirlwind of belief
That your twisted visions are real.
How gracefully I danced with her,
Shrouded by a wondrous happiness,
As she and I shared a night in your realm.
What joy it brought to my very soul
To see she and I together once more,
Her return more than pure life itself,
And, after you've given to me
The only things in this life I truly desire,
Led me to believe this joy was mine,
You just reach into the early morn
And pull me from that beauteous sleep.
Softly, quietly, I gave into the morn,
My heart, my soul, afloat in the clouds,
       my re-found love in my arms.
And moments later, as sleep leaves these eyes,
I come to realize that my new life,
The angel I've longed for to return,
Was all just a dream and that here...
Here, in reality's embrace, I am still alone,
Sitting quietly, my eyes red with tears,
Spiting you, you wretched, vile, cursed dreams!!!

December 23, 1993

268. Thoughts



              as you LOOK

                     at LIFE.

ASK yourself

            where it


         NOW ASK yourself --

                Where does the story END?

267. Winter Dreaming Of Spring

A cold evening breeze,
       Slowly dies
              As Spring blooms to life.
She stands in all her glory,
       Prying open the door
              To let soft April showers
                     Into Winter's gloomy world.
Birds return to their nests
       And rear their young,
              Creating a generation anew
                     As young hatchlings come to life.
The bright blue sky
       Pushes the grey clouds away
              As the horizon comes alive
                     With the dreams of the children
                            That watch the new sunrise.
As I forget the cold winter wind,
       I look to Spring's exuberant beauty,
              Longing for all of her life
                     So that I may take her wonders,
                            Her consistent quest for life's splendors
                                   And place them lovingly in your hands...

December 22, 1993

266. As She Walks Away...

Dear frail, salty tear,
That one in my eye,
I can feel you there--
There on the edge of my sight,
Please, I beg, do not fall!
For my heart is too weak
To bear the pain of your fall,
And tears are what she wants to see
When she looks back over her shoulder
As she walks away...

265. In Silent Passing...

How ever were the skies so grey

That never could you see it my way?

These days are no longer mine,

For shattered, my dreams once divine,

Could never return the love I lost,

My heart and soul once again the cost...

December 21, 1993

264. Come Again Into These Arms

Quiet eyes watch you
As you lay asleep at night.
My stare is captured
And this glance cannot move.
I gaze at your beauty,
Your soft, sleeping face,
Trying to stare deep inside
Where your heart lies awake.
"Oh please," I ask with longing words,
"Wake from your sleep my love
So that I can share this world --
And all of its wonders -- with you."
Come again into these arms,
So that you might see once more
The happiest of lives you shall live --
The life I wish you to live with me.

263. Life Without Love: My Love, Rescue Me From The Darkness

The sun falls behind the sea, as I whisper your name.
The power of a dream, lost as the moon shines upon the rising sea.
A dream of love, as it disappears from sight.
For perhaps it was never meant to be,
And I shall never again return to the arms of someone who cares.
Time has passed in the months since a subtle whisper of love
       has echoed through these ears.
       The night has lost its meaning in a world of darkness.
       Save me, my love,
              Save me from this life...
                     This Life Without Love......

262. Life Without Love: what-could-have-been

       My world was in confusion.  I had just lost an embarrassing battle with love.  My heart was in pain, and my life was a sin.  My words left no meaning, and my heart left no feelings.
      Then, I saw joy and happiness one day.  She stood there, talking, not knowing that I even walked upon this world of shame.  I saw happiness in her smile, and beauty in her eyes.  I knew then, as I do now, that I needed her to make my life livable.

       My feelings are lost, and my love is in turmoil.  My heart tells me to never give up, but my mind tells me to forget.  As I held that photograph of her, all I could think of was holding her in my arms, and giving her the love I have built up inside of me.

       How can I ever forget what-could-have-been, when my heart is still wishing that this dream would come true?  If the events of the weeks before hurt so badly, then why do I hope so badly that tomorrow will bring the happiness I see in her.

       Perhaps someday, she will see happiness in me, but until that day all I can do is regret what-could-have-been.

261. Life Without Love: HeartBreak

Words have no meaning in this world of fear.  A flight of distant lightning is all that remains.  The night is dull, and this soul has no meaning here.  With all thoughts of being loved submerged, my only dream is of a life that will bring tranquility and joy.  These words that I write are of no meaning, and little sense.
       For in my world, there is no word for this feeling.  To all, I say there is nothing in your world.  I see nothing there for me, and I see nothing for me here.  From words to love, and love to words there is nothing.  It is another year, and another heartbreak.
       Today will be the same as tomorrow, and everyday.  I will sit here, thinking of her, as she no longer dreams of me.  Will she ever love me again?  Will she ever care the same way?  Will I ever be allowed to love her?
       Open your heart, my dear.
       The life you save may be your own...

260. Life Without Love: The Eve Of Angels


What is it?

The joining of two, made on the Eve Of Angels.

The heart, lost in a realm of happiness,

As our love was joined together on this wondrous, and beautiful night.

The obsession never to be forgotten, in those deep eyes, and that bright smile.

I pass by her, as she looks away.

In my dreams, I pass by her, and she smiles.

I ask nothing more of her, than her true love.

These words are short, but they mean the world to me.

"I love you."

259. Life Without Love: Open My Heart II

I sit here in total darkness, trying to see the words I write.

There is little hope, as I think of what-could-have-been.

The hundreds of "What ifs..." that circle in my head are thoughts of her.

I sit alone, head in my hands, wondering what else I could have done.

Another day, in another way, this is how it's always been.

A heart that pours out love is never allowed to be opened.

No one wished to give it a chance to love.

For happiness is life, and life is love.

Love is what I need from her.

I see her smiling and laughing, as love echoes through my heart.

She is so lovable.

I ask of nothing more than love, yet the question is never answered......

258. Life Without Love: London At Night Without You

A city of lights, on the edge of forever.
A million girls walk its streets.
A city of lights, destine for eternity.
I see only you in this crowd.
A city of lights, when all love is gone.
I am in such turmoil.
A city of lights, with a thousand crimes,
The flame of love for you will only grow.
A city of lights, fallen into the night.
My love for you will always burn.
A city of lights, the fallen mistress.
I am not one to treat you this way.
A city of lights, the neon signs.
A dream of kissing you.
As I stare into the sky,
My only thoughts are of you...
I watch you turn away from me.
If you would only give me a chance,
A chance to show you how much I love you--
If only you'd let me prove it to you...
    I love you...I always will...

December 19, 1993

257. Life Without Love: Last Dream Of Love

       I sit here, watching her as she is so close to me.  Her beauty is as usual, and her eyes are shifting.  My dreams of the future walk before me, with no clue that I even exist.
      I listen to her voice, hear her laughter, as she smiles to a friend.  She looks so beautiful, her figure so perfect, her smile so bright.  I can't help but feel this way as she is so very close, yet so far away.

       I see her looking into my eyes, as I dream of what could be.  My mind is on nothing but her.  I can only picture her essence as she looks away.  Perhaps someday, she will love me, as I love her, yet, I truly know it is an impossibility.

       I've been on this journey for far too long.  She'll never love me, and I could say that I don't care, but I do.  I care, but what's the use when nothing is returned.  It must be over.  My search stops here.  The road has ended, and it's time to sit and wait...sit and wait for the pain to stop, the emptiness to go away.  And sadly, I know, I will sit here for all eternity.

256. Life Without Love: Plain, Quiet Words

There is such a thing...
That gap of emotionless time
Where there is no inspiration.
As I sit to pen about life,
I can say, "The night was cold,"
Yet, there is no feeling, no emotion
In the music anymore,
And the vast, bottomless ocean
Has lost all it's meaning,
But even worse than the fates themselves...
I don't even know why.
It could only be because of someone,
Someone gone, yet never here.
Perhaps this someone is dear to me,
Yet I barely know her.
There is no way out of this game.
You must fight your way in,
And pray you are never let out.
Chances are all you can ask for here,
But what is a chance?
If it is a cry for love in itself,
Why doesn't crying mean more?
Perhaps a chance is a question;
A question of trust and inspiration.
And now that love is gone,
There is no inspiration,
Only plain, quiet words
To help remember the memories...

255. Life Without Love: Before Love Blooms

We sat so quietly in the courtyard,
My eyes on her -- her eyes on nothing.
After what seemed such an eternity,
Our eyes crossed as she turned her head.
A spontaneous glance slipped into a word;
One word turned into many,
And then, the words turned into laughter.
A feeling of lost love, heartbreak,
Such utter depression mutually felt.
The laughter turned into a smile,
The smiles into joyous tears,
Until finally a dance under midday sun.
Dancing softly to not a note of music.
Sense has no meaning here...
This is a game called love,
Sometimes I feel I know not a thing
In this vast, mysterious world.
Can I know so little about her,
And yet, miss not talking to her?
Is that sane?  Are hours really this long?
Why is it I lay awake at night,
Listening to ballad after ballad,
And all I can think of is her?
Perhaps there is no real explanation.
I ask, I ask, I ask, yet I ask again,
But never do I receive a reply.
For life is love, and all love is life,
But is there life without love?
I hold her hand, share her thoughts,
But deep in my soul I know.
She will be gone before nightfall.
Perhaps there is no way,
But why is there lost hope and anticipation?
And why, oh why,
Must she be gone before love blooms?

254. Life Without Love: As I Bid Love Farewell...

The bloodshed was quite horrid;
The twisted hearts lay all around me...
For this was a night to end all days;
This night when hatred and love crossed paths.

A mixture that should have never been,
The joining of two...
Made of the Eve of the Angels' Tears,
All human hearts - saved by zero.

Never will I forget the sight
Of you drifting away in darkness,
As our love was murdered and forgotten
This cruel and spiteful night.

Vivid images will never leave my soul--
A gun, a fire, a knife, a cry,
All made to pierce the forbidden flesh...
The flesh of the heart and the mind.

I watched with teary eye
As the world of love
Was lost on this dreary night;
Lost into utter madness -- gone forever.

My life was torn apart,
Never again a sunrise would I see,
All because of that one night
When you left my side...

And now, here I stand,
Holding the truths of all love;
In one hand--
The soul, The heart, My love, Your love
In the other hand--
Denial, Rejection, Betrayal, Obsession;
       My Obsession Never To Be Forgotten
              In those Deep Eyes And Your Smile.

For this is the story of this life--
Told by few, unheard of my many...
To those who shall be loved,
And those who will, and do, love,
I say this--
Watch thee humble soul, dear wanderer,
For you may lose it, as I have,
To this obsession called love.
Only to find that love is now gone,
Hatred having taken its place.
Hear these words well, my friend.
Hear them well, my lost lover.
Hear them well, love, my one and only obsession.