August 29, 1993

245. There Is In Dreams A Lesson To Be Learned

Under quiet, mournful rain,
Here come those mem’ries again.
World could never begin to tell
Of this somber, destitute hell
I live day after horrid day,
Trying to push you away.
So long a time has gone by
Since our love began to die,
That it seems almost years
When last stopped these tears.
Realizing that our love is no more,
Alone, broken-hearted I stand on the shore,
Recalling your beauty with a sigh,
Softly asking myself why.
Oh, how I have tried to find
A way to get you off my mind;
Battle after battle I fight on,
Sleepless night turning into dawn,
Yet, no matter what I may do,
My heart still wanders to find you.
So very few times in this life
Have I given into pain and strife,
But no longer can I fight
To push your eyes out of my sight;
Under stars and moon so bright,
Knowing I will lose this fight,
I fall to my knees, bow my head,
And to the ocean is said,
“No longer can I stand these dreams,
This reality not what it seems!
This fight can I endure no more.
Take my life, leave me dead on the shore.
The pain of death I will endure
As long as I am assured
There will be no more sleepless nights,
No more battles, no more painful fights!”
In return, the ocean sounds not a word,
Even the crashing waves could not be heard.
Suddenly, across the horizon so dim,
A falling star upon the water did skim,
A fiery falsh of glowing light,
As it crashed into the water, out of sight.
The shallow water stirred up the sand,
A wall of water reaching towards me like Satan’s hand.
Standing fast, I awaited the watery wall,
It moved quickly...I moved not at all.
Deep in my heart, sad I would be to go,
Yet, a world of serenity it would be to know
Such painful, deceiving dreams,
Would disappear under sea and moonbeams.
The wall of water grew ever so near,
As I said a faint goodbye to all that was dear.
Just as I made ready my solemn heart
By the powerful ocean to be torn apart,
The immense wave crashed upon the shore,
My glance looking straight at death’s door.
I closed my eyes for what seemed years,
The thundering wave piercing my ears.
I felt the strong ocean wave slap my chest
And hard on the bottom I came to rest.
I longed for the darkness to fill my mind,
The gates of death I’d waited to find,
Yet, as I slowly opened my eyes,
I was staring up at bright blue skies.
A voice began to echo through the air,
As I sat up, my wits only half aware.

“How you long to give up your life,
Yet so little do you know of true strife!
How is it that you feel your pain so true
That you would drown yourself in My ocean blue?!”

I rose with a long, painful sigh
And reached my hand up to the sky,
“These dreams that plague me each night
Hurt my heart, blur my sight!
I only want them to go away
So that I might live free for one day!”

“Your dreams haunt your very life,
And pain they will always cause, sharp as a knife,
For as final as the death you yearn,
There is in dreams, a lesson to learn.”

“Speak no more of dreams,
This reality is never what is seems!
Please, forget your lesson to teach,
And utter happiness allow me to reach!”

“You have wronged a beauty so true,
That happiness will forever elude you.
Today, tomorrow, even ‘til your life’s end
Your heart’s regret never shall mend.
Against your own soul you’ve done the crime,
Always and forever, ‘til the end of time,
For letting go your precious Tiffany.
Wander as you may from here to there,
I bid you, go and travel everywhere,
But never the likes will you see
Of anyone who has her true beauty.”

“Do you think this I do not know!
Are these tears not enough to show?!
Regret is all I feel each and every day,
I’m always and forever trying to run away!
Times I feel I will be all right,
That somehow, I’ll make it through the night,
Yet, in this heart I know
My regret is only to grow and grow.
My hell I have turly found,
My ship of life has run aground!
With her I could be forever strong,
Yet she says loving me again would be so wrong!”

“Then it is true -- your fate you’ve seen;
You’ve let run away your only dream,
And forever pain will you feel when
You ask yourself what could have been.
Farewell, I bid you to live your life,
Without love, without happiness, without wife,
Knowing your one true love
Is out of reach; she’ll be forever above...”

Slowly, I fell down on the sand,
Trying to stop the shaking of my hand.
I tried so hard to stop the tears,
Pushing out my mind the thought of the years
I will wander forever in my sorrow,
Trying to avoid that solemn tomorrow
That will forever be just one more day
In which, with shiv’ring lips I say,
“How I miss your heart by my side,
Your love my ocean’s only tide,
Never this lonesome life did I want to live;
To your heart, my love I long to give...”

These days pass on, forever blue,
And never will I find a love that’s true,
Until you let me back into your life,
The only joy that could stop this endless strife.

August 4, 1993

244. ??????


                                                                      Oh, I DON’T KNOW!
                                                                      GO ASK SOMEONE ELSE
                                                                                     I’m only a POET......

243. Different Shades Of Emptiness

A true poet grows not angry,
Nor does he feel utter happiness;
The emotions of a true Romantic
Seem to forever be
Only different shades of disappointment,
And as a true Romantic poet,
I see, speak, and paint my words
In so many brilliant colors,
Yet deep in my heart,
                                   I know
            They are only different shades of black.