August 29, 1990

104. Midnight's Prayer

I pray to God
That should I die before we next meet,
You will understand
What great love you have given me
And that no matter what happens,
I believe I speak the truth when saying
I will love you always.
Radiant thoughts of you at sunset
Then dance through my mind.
As my eyes near joyous tears;
I recall the warmth of you in my arms,
Your breath in my face, your hand in mine.
I envision your smile, your beauty,
As I whisper, “I love you.”
Now, I can sleep.......

103. Tears...

A million I’ve cried in this humble lifetime,

Yet none compare to the one I cried for her.

A single tear encasing my life within its walls,

Yet a thousand lifetimes in it beauty.

Every dream, hope, and aspiration I’ve felt since we met

In a tear she caused with her loving words.

What a joyous tear was this;

The one that showed me the way...

August 28, 1990

102. To My Fair Juliet,

“No Juliet Am I” by shell
“No light upon the yonder window breaks,
No Romeo extends his loving hands;
No fair, beloved Juliet am I--
Alone upon the balcony I stand.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To My Fair Juliet,
True, my love--
     and forgive me for saying so--
You are no Juliet,
     treading on the path
          of infinite beauty,
Yet, nor am I
     the young lad
          gazing up at the light.
Despite such truths,
     such a divine lady rests
          in only one bed in one place...
          Fictitious Verona Streets.
No true Juliet may live,
     but from the day I write
          my first word,
          until the moment
          these weary eyes gazed upon you,
          never had I seen someone so near
          her world of beauty.
Never alone on the balcony shall you stand.

August 24, 1990

101. Parents; at 16

Funny, isn’t it,
     how it seems
          you care about such small details.
"Lock him up,” you call.
     “Throw the key away--
          take his car away!”
     You’re stupid!
          “Are you that dumb?!
          What the fuck’s your problem?!
          Dumbshit asshole!”
Lines you use to criticize.
     Ever think that if you were
                     more understanding,
                     there’d be less rebellion?
You ponder so long on the
                     little things I do wrong,
Yet when I give you an “A”
     or a scholastic award,
     you say, “That’s good.”
               And how soon you forget...
Remember the last time you said,
     “I love you”?
           Me neither.

100. Moments

Night in the park,
     lying with you on the grass,
     gazing up at your smile,
               your eyes,
               your love,
               and the endless blue-black abyss above.
Did you happen to notice
     when we first lie down,
     they sky is covered with clouds,
     but as we rise now,
     the evening sky is clear?
A sign from above
     or simple synchronicity--
     What does it matter?
For despite all around in this world;
     the beauty of these moments
     shall live on forever,
          just as this yearning,
               and love shall.

99. Together Forever

I feel so strong,
so safe,
in your arms,
as if nothing could ever
take you away.
You feel rainbows
and I feel
--were it possible--
even more.
The times we’ve shared,
the frontiers we’ve conquered,
the smiles we’ve exchanged,
each setting a new block in place,
moving it from the collapsing fence between us,
to the glorious wall
encircling us,
repelling the darkness, evil, and such,
adorning the tress,
waves, and beautiful rainbows
within our hearts
as they become one.

August 23, 1990

98. Falling Leaves

The first leaves began to fall
Remembering autumn’s past;
          snow covering a desert plain
                              hot; cold
                              dry; wet
          seasons passing.
Autumn last, I recall a child - a girl - and immaturity.
Autumn present, I see a woman.
                         I love you.
So that our passion,
          and sharing
                    may continue
     through the long winter

97. Our Time Has Grown Short

Oh, silence...
     Rid me of your evil grasp
     and let me speak.
     Your dark hand covers my lips
     so that I cannot say
     what I feel in my heart.
Oh, dear, beautiful girl
     to whom I write these caring words,
     know that my silence is note
          of anger, nor fear,
          a spiteful thought I could never muster.
          Silence is only my way of holding
          back these anxious tears
          that want to cry out, “I miss you!”

August 22, 1990

96. Innocence Lost: Blind Justice

Having just left the sight
       of your loving eyes,
I see now that
        the love you denied me
        and the sex I denied you
                could never conquer what we’ve forged
                       through the years........
Games, Money, Religion, Injustice, Sex...
      These of your world are yours,
             mine are mine.
                           Our lives shall not be one,
      but two separate lives we live
             on our own.
You live your life..........I’ll live mine
       and our paths, when they do cross,
       shall again be one bond...........
Transition complete,
        my jealousy is now worry.
               Where I once would hate that boy
                                   who was at your house until
        I now worry that he kept himself in line
                                     and didn’t hurt you.
This may not be true justice,
       but it is the little sanity
                                  I have.
Needless to say, we shall always be
       two separate lives
       bound by our past
                                  Am I wrong?
                               Or are you wrong?
Who is to say?
       Whatever the truth will be,
            I shall now stand at your side;
                               as a friend should,
            ignoring flaws.

Still I wonder what motivates you so...
         Sex, it seems, but is there something else?
                                 I know you will not tell!
         But I shall be your friend.
Take care,
         and always remember, despite our flaws,
                                     I am here,
                                            and will be here
                                                    for you...

August 20, 1990

95. The Night I Called Her House

 “Princess is sleeping,” your mother said.
      “Do you want me to wake her?”
 All I wanted in this world was to talk to you,
      but you were asleep.
 Then, I picture you in your endless beauty,
      lying in silence
 With gentle roses scattered around your bed,
      each breath you breathe,
      the scent of life and love you’ve given me.
 If only I were there to wake you with a kiss,
      show you the world I could share.
 “No, Mrs. Dutro,” I sigh, “please, let her sleep.”
      so that I may continue to dream...

94. Dreams

 Lying here,
      Visioning you as you sleep,
           so near, yet sometimes so far,
           rainbows and unicorns dancing in your dreams.
 I lay my head
      On this pillow and hold another to my chest.
 I breath the scent of perfume
      You gave to the poetry you wrote me.
 I close my eyes
      And see you lying here next to me,
      As I kiss you and hold you ‘til dawn.
 What a grand love we share,
           Let the night live forever in my dreams...

August 17, 1990

93. Dev'lish Nightmares II

I read now what horrid words I wrote,

And see what shock brings.

Those words were not to you, but to life.

They may sound harsh or even angered,

But I feel something in all of this

Has brought us closer,

For when I say. “I love you,”

I mean it more than I ever have.

It is behind us, my love.

My explanation?

As a gifted writer once wrote,

“No disaster could scare me from you.”

August 14, 1990

92. Murder In The 1990's

Gazing into the eyes

Of a skeleton who’s long-gone

Flesh once walked upon the shore.

Did you walk on the shore?

Did you have a man to call your own?

The tales those bones could tell

Would horrify the world;

But you’ve been called home.

Pity ‘twas before we knew you.

August 10, 1990

91. Innocence Lost: Regret

 The Lord blessed you with such beauty
      That each man would turn his head.
      I did.
 You left me standing alone.
 How many of these men love you
      For your smile, your personality?
 I see through them...
      They love popularity, flesh
      And will never love you as I once did.
 Pity you chose the many that lust
 And not the one soul who loved.
 What would be your sex will be my demise,
 For look in the mirror ten years from now
 And you shall despise what you see.
 Then, you will hear of me
 And grovel over what could have been...

90. Innocence Lost: I Only Wanted To Love Her

 I thought I saw love in your eyes.
      Don’t, they said. She’s lost it.
 Lost what, I thought.  Her prestige?  Her humbleness?
      In sorts, they said.
 They were the few who knew...

 Age fourteen.
 Just what you’d least expect from such a girl.
 Loving family,
      Caring friends,
           Popularity, Beauty, Life, Personality.
 Did you love him?  No.
 Did you care?  Maybe.
 Sooner or later, this happens to everyone.
      Everyone?  Why not me?
 Behind the school where you played as a child--
      Or were you still a child?
 Hiding in the brush, no love in your heart or mind,
      You took him, smiling; he left you, crying.
      Did you even cry?
           I doubt it!
      Were you older now?
      Were you a woman?
      Were you in love now?
      Is that what love is all about?
      No, No, No!!!
 The fourth question?  Pity you shall never know.
 Do you like her? this boy asked me.
 I dug deep into my heart.
      Yes, I said.  She’s witty, beautiful, happy, loveable.
      She’s wonderful!
 He looked beyond my caring words
      And told me of you and him that day,
      In the brush, behind your childhood playground.
      Then, do you know what he said?  I bet you don’t.
      “Get some man, hell I did!”
 You were lowered to that.  Was it him, me, the world?
      No, it was you who did it.

 Still, I cherished you.  Sent you roses, gifts, love,
      Yet, I think it all came down to one thing.
 I would have killed for you
           died for you
 But I didn’t give you what you first had at fourteen.
      Now, I see why you pushed me aside.
           Want some?  Get some.
 Your waves were kissed with passion and sex.
 Mine dreamt of love.
 Our oceans were separated by continents...
 I once looked into your eyes and found beauty.
      Tears were mine before I knew the real you.
                               “What a waste.”

89. Innocence Lost: Playing Your Games

 Birth, Games, Religion, Love, Sex, Death

 I told you I loved God.
                                                       You said, That’s nice.
 I told you I hated games.
                                                       You said, Let’s play.
 I told you I was born to write for you.
                                                       You said, See if I care.
 I told you I’d kill and die for you.
                                                       You said, No you wouldn’t.
 I told you I loved you.
                                                       You said, I care about you, too.
                                                       You lied.
 I told you I didn’t want only sex; It didn’t mean much to me.
                                                       You said, Me neither.
                                                       You lied again.
 You were
  my birth
     my hope
        my dreams
           my life
              my passion
                 my love
                    my death...
 Forgive me for giving love with my passion,
 But sex is one thing you shall never get from me
                                              Without love.

88. Rainbows

 I see your silent blue eyes
      in the sky that watches me.
 I see your oscillating strands
      in the golden fields that welcome me.
 I hear your name
      in the wind that brings chills to my spine.
 I hear your voice
      in the waves who’s mist kisses my lips.
 I feel your touch
      with each word I write.
 She is beauty.  Surely, you must miss her?
      the boundless ocean calls.
 No, I reply, so vivid are her words,
      her eyes, her love, that distance
      could never keep us apart.
      Our minds are one.
 How so?
 As sure as the rainbow is in the sky,
      Our dreams are the same.

87. The Ocean On A Lonely Eve

 Rolling waves crashing upon the shore,
      What do you try to say?
 My words were kissed by the waves
      that blessed me to write.
 Why then do you not give me the words now?
      Walk upon your shores,
      Capture your beauty on film,
      Cherish your sands, do I,
 And all you give is confusion.
      I wade into your depths,
      Call upon you for knowledge,
      Yet you do not answer.
 “Could it be because I miss her?”
      Another wave crashes upon the beach
      As I hear a whispered, “Yes.”
      I turn.  No one is around.

86. True Vision

 Cold evening sky
      pushing me towards summer’s leave.
 The crowds, the faces, the fame,
      it means no more to me.
 My voice once strewn their ears
      with words few understood.
 And the few who cared
      were nothing more than shadows I’ve left behind.
 Was it pity?
      Was it even my words of mouth?
      What did they care about?
      Was it me?  Could it have been me?
      Or was it just tolerance?
 Little matter now,
      for I have pushed on ahead.
 “You’ve all been left behind!”
 Let us now see who was there for me.

August 8, 1990

85. Perennials

 Let our love be a soft
      flower in an open field.
 Gaze at the field,
      and you shall not see one, but many.
 Gaze at each flower,
      and you shall see one, and many
 So that each petal
      is a different love.
 So be it then, that
      never shall one find
      the same love we share amongst another blossom.
 In our eyes, our soft blooms,
      rugged impacts of many-a-winter
      and those little surprises we cast.
 Our blossoms gaze into the summer sky,
      knowing seasons will change,
      but that after the snow,
      the fog, the rain,
 Summer will cast her beauty again
      and two flowers will stand,
      stems and leaves intertwined,
      supporting each other,
      ready to brave another winter.
 May our flowers never cease to exist...

August 3, 1990

84. Dev'lish Nightmares

Dev’lish nightmares terrify me no more;
I beg of you, be gone!
I can feel his arms holding you down.
I see it in my mind - everything.
Your screams echo through my ears.
Why must I hear them?!
What do you want?!
“I love you I love you I love you!”
I cry...
Perhaps that is why I cry myself to sleep.
I was helpless then as I am now,
Forgive me for my horrid dreams,
“I love you, but you must understand-”
I love you, but...never mind.
Why?!  Why?!  Why?!  Why?!  Why?!
Oh, God, wake me from such sleep.
What Good Are Tears Anyway?