December 25, 1995

296. Twelve Days......

Softly, the rain fell,
As my life continued on.
Day after endless day,
Tear after tear, dawn after dawn.

When the wind would blow,
Never would I hear my name,
And when the waves would crash,
I could only hide my face in shame.

What a life to live,
So much love -- no one to care;
So may things in this world were mine,
But what good, when there was no one there......

No wonderment did these eyes behold.
No beauty to set my gaze upon.
No brilliance to set my stride aback.
No splendor to brighten a snowy day.
No warmth to feel within my heart.
No joy to bring a smile.
No admiration felt for someone like me.
No harmony in the words of a poet.
No love in all the world to be found.
No peace in a mind so torn apart.
No conviction in a desire so frail.
No life to be lived in such a barren soul......

Then you walked through the door......

I. Wonderment

On the first day of Christmas......I fell into wonderment over you.

So long had it been since these eyes
Had looked upon such a sight
As the moment when first you smiled
And stepped into my life.

The night was soft, quiet breeze
And your words were few,
Yet each time I looked into your eyes
I saw a life anew.

My mind raced with a thousand thoughts
And I could already see you in my dreams,
Your laughter so full of live,
Your eyes so full of love.

Though I knew not your touch,
Nor even of your dreams,
I could see in you a new destiny
And a life of new extremes.

I had not spoken a single word,
Not truly looked into your eyes,
Yet something in my soul
Knew a wonderment the likes of which I’d never seen......

II. Beauty

On the second day of Christmas......I saw the beauty within you.

Slowly a smile came over your face
As A sigh of laughter passed your lips;
You were so close to me
Even though we had only just met

My arms gently grasped around you,
As deep into your eyes I finally stared;
I felt your caress on my cheek
And know the warmth of your embrace.

Slowly, you leaned towards me
As I marveled at your eyes,
Then, slowly they closed
And your lips, you pressed to mine.

Though your eyes were shut,
I still could see into them,
As I gazed upon your beauty,
And marveled at what I had found.

Holding you close that very first time,
Though my eyes had seen such beauty,
I knew that deep inside, your heart
Was worth far more than the pretty package outside.

III. Brilliance

On the third day of Christmas......I saw the brilliance of your smile.

So many sunsets have I already seen
Within the short span of this life,
That sometimes I forget to watch
When I see the twilight on the horizon......

The sun so bright just over the sea
As upon the shore I walk with you.
Your hand is clasped in mine
As I feel the warmth of you near.

The breeze is blowing gently,
Stirring up the sand
As the twilight reflects upon
The waves crashing at our feet.

The memories of our short time together,
Dancing images within my mind,
As I look to my side,
Catching for a brief moment your glance.

I gaze upon your beauty,
For drowning out the wonder
Of the sunset before me
Was the brilliance of your smile......

IV. Splendor

On the fourth day of Christmas......I felt the splendor of being with you.

As day after day passes,
A new sunset before these eyes does fall,
Yet with the end of each day
I fell not a sorrow, but an infinite joy.

Not so long ago, how I feared
That time was passing by
And each day I grew older,
The life ahead growing shorter.

Each time the sun fell beyond
The brilliant colors of the sea,
And night took me into her grasp,
I feared what the new day would bring.

Never did I feel there would be
Anything upon this Earth
That would take such fears away,
But then came to know......
                    The splendor of being with you.

Now, though the days are passing,
As the march of time continues
I fear not the end of each day,
For it brings a new day tomorrow with you.

V. Warmth

On the fifth day of Christmas......I knew a warmth like no other I had felt before.

The moonlight was shimmering
Over the span of ocean so blue
As the waves crashed upon the shore
And the sharp ocean breeze hit my face.

The cry of the seagulls above
Tore through the cold evening air
As in the distance a single light
Was the only refuge from the dark.

So many days had gone by,
So many years come to pass,
Where I knew of nothing more
Than such a coldness as this.

At times I stood here alone,
And at others, someone by my side,
But never had I known someone
To take away this coldness forever.

Then, just as I was to give up hope,
A bright burst of morning sunlight
Shone over the horizon.
And for the first time in this life, I felt a true warmth......

VI. Joy

On the sixth day of Christmas......I discovered such a joy in making you happy.

The bright sunlight cast shadows
Across the waving blades of grass
As the mid-autumn breeze
Carried away the falling leaves.

The sky was ablaze with brilliant color
As the blue faded to a tint of auburn,
And above in the trees,
The bird songs telling stories of Winter to come.

Walking quietly with you,
The sunlight shines through
The softness of your hair,
And brings to life your magic eyes.

Though we whisper not a word,
Out ideas are shared as one,
Wishing moments like these last forever
And that our love shall never end.

Here, with you, at this moment
Is when I realize my dreams,
And know nothing brings me more joy
Than bringing happiness to you......

VII. Admiration

On the seventh day of Christmas......I found such an admiration of the many wonders you possess.

So wondrous was the beauty
Of the sunset before me,
Yet I knew deep within my heart
There was a sunset more wondrous yet to behold.

So beautiful was the day
The sun shining so bright
And the warm breeze so tantalizing,
Yet I knew there would be day more beautiful to come.

Each verse that I write is so dear,
And although some words grace
My ears more brilliantly than others,
I know a verse more endearing is yet to come.

Such has it been
Through this entire life
As I continue a life-long journey
To find a more beautiful sunset,

Yet never in this journey
Did I anticipate finding
A love like you have for me,
A love that is more wondrous, beautiful and endearing
       Than any other love I will ever find......

VIII. Harmony

On the eight day of Christmas......We found a harmony new to us both.

So oft, I can remember,
My each and every day
Was such a torrid strife,
An endless struggle of woe.

I was alone
On an endless ocean,
Storm after storm,
Ripping at my frame.

Though I fought
Day after day,
Never did the ocean calm--
Only swell after disastrous swell.

Then, suddenly, without warning,
A ray of sunshine broke through the clouds,
And the sea began to calm--
The sunshine was you, my dear,
             Creating a sea of harmony
             Where once there was only uncertainty

IX. Love

On the ninth day of Christmas......I felt for your such a love that my heart had never felt before.

Ever since I was a child,
My words were my dreams.
And my dreams were of words,
each one searching for love.

Time after time,
My heart would fall in love,
Hoping that this would be
The greatest love the world had known.

Though I searched on and on,
Never could I find a love
That would endure,
Or even be strong enough
                    to face the dawn.

Yet, I sit, pen in hand,
(Seems so sadly unfamiliar)
And you again on my mind,
As my pen and I still look
                    to the future.

I have found in you,
Not only the love I have dreamt,
But a true friendship
That is known only as love.

X. Peace

One the tenth day of Christmas......Such peace would I know, a comfort that only your love did bring.

Darkest night lay all around me
As I ran endlessly through a mist,
Searching for what, I knew not,
With my beating heart my only companion.

How I wanted to stop--
      To stop running from it all.
How I wanted to stop--
      To stop fighting the fear of loneliness.

Before I met you, my darling,
Every waking moment,
Every dream when asleep
Was a continuous fight for life.

Yet now, as you hold me,
      So safely in your arms,
I have found the peace I so desired
In the light of your eyes,
      And the passion of your heart.

XI. Conviction

On the eleventh day of Christmas......I felt such a conviction in my heart, that come what may, I would love you forever.......

Looking back upon my words,
I see such a childish heir,
A wave of emptiness and deceit,
Marred with tears and desperate dreams.

So often did I speak of
A life with no direction,
A life of uncertainty,
Loveless and twisted as an storm at sea.

Gazing into your eyes,
I see such a different world,
A world of happiness and joy,
A heart so full of true love for me.

I know now what it was for--
      All these years of pain I endured--
So that when I met you,
I would know how special we are......

XII. Life

And on the twelfth day of Christmas......I began to look to the future at the life I long to spend with you.

The wind blows with such a chill,
Yet I feel no cold at all.
The soft, subtle raindrops fall,
Yet I know of no grey skies.
The sun rapidly sets,
Yet I no longer fear the dark.
And as the darkness envelopes me,
I embrace its wonders and mysteries.
Such a joyous picture I could never paint,
Even in days much more beautiful than these,
Yet, sitting here, under the wondrous moonlight,
I smile a joyous grin,
For I know tomorrow the sun will rise,
      And there will be one more day--
            One more day in this life to spend with you

May 25, 1995

295. Dagger Into Back

There are to whom some you call friend,
And some to whom you call enemy,
But when they become
One in the same,
Such pain your heart has never known.
So senseless it is
To thrust dagger into back
Of a companion of so many years,
And all for a girl you care not of,
Dear friend, when you awake in morn,
When same girl, I would have cherished
For eternity on and on......

294. "You Would Call This 'Princess'?"

To think once I thought you a princess,
So much that I almost gave you my heart.
Oh, what a foolish child was I!
To see you lost in your precious drink,
Alongside he who calls to me “friend,”
Your laughter one in the same,
Your joyous touching so pleasantly rich,
Yet little do you know, pauper of a girl,
That he who betrays my friendship now,
Will do more than the same to you.
Oh, he will lie with you, but
While lady to whom his heart is pledged,
Dreams of the day they wed,
And in turn when hence forth,
It is you who dream,
He will lie down with another......

What fool I was
To think princess of you.
Such a vast kingdom I longed
To share in eternal joy,
Yet such a wond’rous kingdom
Would ne’er be worthy
Of such a creature as you.
And he who call to me “friend,”
Full aware the position of my heart,
How dare you shuffle me off
So that you may go to lie
With the girl I once deemed princess,
So that you could treat her
As just another night......

Quietly, I’ll remember
As my kingdom grows--
Lady worthy of “princess” at my side,
Men worthy of the word “friend” itself, my companions--
This single hour when
Not just a princess was lost,
But so died a true friend.