October 24, 1993

253. Open My Heart

Darkness envelopes my room like a shroud,
My tear-filled eyes straining to see these very words.
Light is virtually absent as I dream of what could have been.
Hundreds upon hundreds of what if’s
Flutter violently through my mind,
Each one a brilliant portrait of you.
Sitting quietly in my own dark abyss,
This new-dawning day is but two hours old,
Yet, it is only another day in another way.
And sadly, this is how it’s always been.
This infinite abyss about my shallow frame
Could hold such beauty in its visage--
A quiet room with a view of all the world--
Yet, on this night, it is empty of life.
This dying heart that swells deep in my soul
Seems to build up such a wondrous love,
But why, oh why, is it that
No matter how beautiful my love is,
Not a soul comes to open my heart?
No one wishes to give it a chance to love!
As this heart that tries to reach out,
                                tries to give so much,
Is torn apart by such a horrid loneliness
Just an instant before it finds a true love,
Tears begin to fall down into the darkness
From eyes that see not a single thing
        in all this world’s many wonders
But the gorgeous beauty in love’s potent desires.
I ask of nothing more than love,
        yet the question is never answered,
Only to leave me wandering a life-time long,
Searching for dreams never to be dreamt...
For if happiness is life,
And life is nothing but pain,
Pain will be conquered only by love,
Leaving me to journey beyond world’s end,
Fighting back the pain and all its tears.......

October 2, 1993

252. Nameless Regret

Through all of these days;
                all of these sleepless nights,
I gaze quietly into the open sky,
Wondering just what it was
That made me want to leave you.
Search as I may for the answer,
I've come to know only one thing--
The angels, pure in beauty, cry
                and they do not know why.
And just as that glorious angel
Weeps across the bright blue sky,
Never will I come to know
What my wretched, cursed heart
Tossed away the wonders of you.

251. Longing For Days Gone By

Take me back to days gone by
When there were no airplanes in the sky
And man's feet were on the ground.
We thought not of who we were,
But how we could better the world.
Shakespeare's eyes gleamed only with his words;
Galileo wanted to teach the world what he knew.
Plato wanted us to sit and reflect,
And Cook set out to show the world his ocean blue.
I marvel at the splendor,
Stare in sheer awe at the thought
Of what it might have been like
To see Shakespeare watching his plays,
To watch Galileo calculate and ponder,
To listen to Plato speak his wonder,
Or to see Cook gaze at new-found lands.
Such beauty, such wonder
The love of arts has shown me
Through this great trek for knowledge
That I've come to quietly wonder
How it is I can take pride in this world
Where literature has become annoying
And knowledge is laughed upon.
For here is today, and there was yesterday,
But all this world of TV, radio, computers and airplanes
Would I give up in the blink of an eye
So that I could see an untouched beach,
Take a ride in a slow, clumsy carriage,
Sit at a Mozart Concierto in a fine-tailored suit,
And ponder how foolish man will become
In the great future I'll never see......