December 29, 1990

132. Why I Say "Nothing"

Crisp winter wind howling at my frame,
Desolate chill shaking my body.
For a few seconds, an instant
When a rose is at the perfectious bloom,
All in the world is nothing,
And nothing is everything.
I hold you so close and you ask
Why it is I look at you the way I do.
I say “nothing,” but I mean everything.
I say “nothing” because
I sit and search for the perfect words,
But actions really do mean more
Than words ever could.......
    That is why I should have kissed you.......

December 14, 1990

131. Just Because You Look Beautiful Today

You read my words
    and I know you wonder
    just what it is that they say.
Through all of my life
    I cannot remember
    a friendly smile more beautiful than yours.
I want to be here for you
    should you ever need
    a thing in this world;
I want you to know
    that through the rainy days
    I will be your friend;
I will be a shoulder to cry on,
    A smile to count on,
    And a hand to comfort you.
How do I know that?
    Maybe it’s in the skies,
    Maybe it’s in the warmth
        I feel in your smile,
Or maybe it’s just the way
    you wear that red ribbon in your hair.

December 9, 1990

130. A Poem For Anne's Smile

Across a cold, winter-blue sky
     I would fly;
Just to see that smile in the morn
And to hold it at night,
For your deep eyes
     Speak their curiosity,
And your laughter
     Shows me your beauty.
But should that wondrous smile
     Melt into a tear,
Through the days and the years,
I will always be here,
To give you that smile back
     And to dry those tears,
For the smiles you and I share
     May be few, but still,
They are more than words will ever know...

December 7, 1990

129. To The Girl In The Distance

Your smile is worth
     a thousand rainbows dancing
     across a midnight sky.
The tearful eyes of this child
     gaze to you to see
     what beauty life doth hold.
I see the endless nights,
     the joyous days,
     the times you forget me.
How oft I sit and wonder
     what my words mean
     to you and your heart,
Yet all I see are those eyes,
     the happiness I wish I knew,
     and your back as you walk away.

December 4, 1990

128. Jenny's Park: The Memories She Left Behind

     Through tear-filled eyes, crying silently into the midnight sky, she remembers this one special place that will always remain deep within the walls of her heart.  This subtle place was a park with long, grassy meadows and well-worm trees reaching into the abyss of the endless sky above.  Silently, it was there, year after painful year, never-changing, like that quiet friend you had in those younger years that never said a word, yet made your day brighter just by being there.
     The bright orange sun was quickly falling beyond the trees and nearby houses as the ice-cold wind roared through the leaves and branches of the lonely trees.  She seemed but a shadowy figure in the park as she gazed through those beautiful eyes to the desolate land for the answer she could not find in her heart.  A sharp, rusted creak filled the sky as the empty swings were pushed by the wind running over the sand, setting it asturred in scattered places.
     Quietly, she stood, the wind blowing her long strands of beauty across her face and into her eyes.  The muffled laughter of children running into their homes echoed through the evening air, as in the distance, she saw him, the last shred of happiness she was hoping for.  Slowly, he walked up to her and embraced her cold figure, his warmth running through her body.  Subtle words were gone from his eyes as angered whispers shook her heart.  She looked to his words for something to hold on to, but found nothing.  Slowly, he turned and walked away from her.
     Tears slowly drifted down the confused expression emblazoned across her face as she watched him walk away.  Could her have known what he was doing?  One of the most beautiful girls in all the world - in heart, countenance, and mind - and he was walking away after three years.  She turned her back to him and walked toward the lonely, swaying swings.  She then sat on the dew-kissed grass, wondering just what it
was she had done wrong.  “It’s not you!” I try to holler.  “It’s just not meant to be!”  It’s no use - she still cannot hear me as she wipes the salty tears from her cheek and slowly falls into a daze, her countenance’s thoughts wand’ring with the cries of the gulls above.  The cold wind rapped at her face and a soft raindrop kissed her cheek.  The sky seemed to be crying.
     Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder and a pain of arms around her; she heard a soft voice whisper, “I love you.”  She turned to the voice, but no one was ever there.  The past will not come back.  Her days and nights were all set into her memories, like love letters tied together with a silk blue ribbon and hidden away.  The place around her was once full of laughter and joy.  The trees now shook with anger and their sky fell with well-worn tears.  Slowly, she stood, and taking one last glance at all of the moments and smiles he had tossed away with the last dying blossom before winter’s dawn, she quickly walked away.  She had to go.
     As she walked further and further away, the park grew smaller until she could no longer see it beyond the houses.  The laughter she and he had once known and shared grew quieter, until finally, she could no longer hear it.
     I watched her walking - I can see it in my mind - through the cold streets and darkened shadows.  What anger flourished with my soul to see such a thing, but the day was inevitable, yet welcomed by their hearts.  They had closed the doors and walked away, to carry on another day.

November 28, 1990

127. A Last Poem For shell

Your eyes
     are wat’ring
          with my tears.
The ones I no longer
     wish to hold.
You told me of such
     wondrous colors,
But sometimes they seemed
     only different shades of black.
All you have managed to do
     is erase from my heart
     each word I wrote for you.
Your promises I thought
     were from your heart and soul,
But as I sometimes found,
     the flame of love had grown cold.
And now you call to me
     to see if I still offer the time,
But your colors have faded,
     so you read your final rhyme.

November 25, 1990

126. A Poem From Darker Days

My hands tremble with fright,
My nerves beg me to fall.
Everything’s closing in around me.
My eyes want to cry.
I see you sleeping so far away.
I’m so scared.  Why do I dream these dreams?
I want to see you - hold you in my arms.
We all cry for life, yet our hatred grows.
They say let’s end it all...
No pain, no worry, no more fears.
Death come my way none
Until the morn, when I kiss you.
For then, when I am in your arms,
I will feel safe to die.......

November 19, 1990

125. Why I Saw Nikole

Wind-swept sandy beaches
     Dance in my mind.
Sprouting young white roses
     Reflected in your dark eyes.
Through your smile I have seen
     Just what my life could be.
Your laughter makes the sky blue;
     Your beauty leaves me breathless.
Through all of this, you may wonder
     Just what I feel in this heart.
Would you know if I said
     I just enjoy being with you?

124. As You Read My Words

Do you ever wonder
     Why I write as I do?
Such things I could not tell you,
     Yet each word will be true.
As your eyes glance over these pages
     Your heart may be above,
But know through the ages,
     My words are my love.

123. The Morning Air

The shadows I once knew,
     Now I stand in the light,
Sprouted from early-morning dew
     And a tear from the night.
Gentle, like the petals of a rose,
     Are the dreams I dream of you.

November 9, 1990

122. Timeless Whispers Calling

If I were to count
      the hours I spend thinking
                          of you,
      how much more time would it take?

Just imagine if I said
      I sometimes miss you (your smile);
      would you even care?

There’s something in the air
      that smells like roses
      back from the days I once knew.

Oh haunting dreams call to me
      from your once-forgotten lair
      of tattered hearts and broken souls.

If only I could walk again
      without these words
                   in my eyes,
      then would you notice me?

Imagine if I said
      I sometimes long to hold you (your heart);
      Oh what would you say?

That something in the air;
      it sounds like whispers
      from the future I long to see.

Oh wondrous visions that flow through me
      of you and me by the shore,
      sharing the dreams in our hearts.

For what beauty I see
      can only lead me to
      on the many years I would wait for you.

October 17, 1990

121. Dreams Of Laura's Yesterday

oh dormant state, take these eyes
to your world once more
and never let them return
for last night
you walked into a dream.
your name ran through my head--
my god, a thousand times.
we were lost in time
two years ago when we were almost one.
your loving eyes were there,
one with my glance.
your caring smile loved me
as i held you in my arms.
t’was just a dream
yet i felt your tender touch.
when i woke from such wondrous thoughts
my pillow was strained with tears.
how i miss you, my dear
how i miss you.

October 9, 1990

120. Civil War Drummer Boy

Your dead gaze at me
     with silv’ry-white eyes
     staring into a midday sky;
          looking at nothing.

What lies behind your lifeless face?
     tattered uniform faded;
     shoes on another man’s feet.
          What was your name?

A number, a statistic
     in some man’s book
     is all that we see,
          but what about you?

The stories such eyes could tell
     if only they still breathed.
     With each man, a tale,
          with each tale, a lifetime.

Where the rivers run red
     and the skies creep to black
     many a boy has been lost;
          lifetimes that will never be.

October 3, 1990

119. Becky's Heart: Eyes Could Never Tell The Tale

Looking back with weary eyes,
I see what behind beauty lies.
What lies I told myself today
When gorgeous I thought you would stay.
Yes, beauty is still there,
And of it, all are aware,
But few have seen as I do,
The cold heart inside you.
Ignore me as you may.
For truth will find its way
To those who look to you and sigh,
In them, a change of heart is nigh.

October 2, 1990

118. Regret #9,642 (or was it 43?)

I know little of you
     which makes it difficult to write.
What I offered yesterday
     was a friendly gesture; nothing more.
Had I known such a thing
     would have upset you so,
I would have kept silent
     and left you alone.
Though I expect it none from you,
     forgive me, Becky, please,
May you not speak to me again,
     Surely, I will understand,
But know from my heart to this pen,
     I truly am sorry.

117. Things You Said

What I saw in subtle eyes;
     Where are you now?
What do you know of me
     To say you hate me?
When I look to your smile,
     Your eyes trail away.
I speak caring words
     And you remain silent.
And after such brief seconds
     We smiled together,
     You wish to never again.
Dear girl, my intentions are clear
     So why do you abhor me so?
Had I known something so small
     Was so great in your eyes,
     I t’would have rested hands in pocket.
What has happened shall always be,
     And I beg forgiveness,
     But the future may always change;
     It is up to you.

September 30, 1990

116. When Our Eyes Meet

Forgive me, dear girl,
Should my eyes trail to yours,
But you must understand...
Your beauty would conquer
The world;
I cannot help but look
Your way.
When cloud-covered skies pierce
My eyes,
I turn to your beauty to make
The sky blue again.
What you see in my eyes,
May not be ardor or joy,
But remember what you do see
Before these eyes trail off again.

September 27, 1990

115. A girl...

I remember a girl I used
     to know back when.....

Oh, how she laughed and
     carried on.
I hadn’t seen her for a year
     or maybe a little more,
But she walked up to me,
     and smiled that grin;
     Yet, something was different.
She told me how high school
     was going - her senior year
     was great!  She’d be 18 soon.
And then, she introduced me
     to her newborn son.
I never saw the same smile again.......

114. The Friend

Why do you stand in the rain
     When you know ‘tis warm inside?
You took time to curse your pain,
     But not to look to your side.
You detest us all with heart
     And call all men should die.
I listen, playing my part
     As dear friend, my words unsaid.
You say your trust is in me;
     That I am one to adore.
If only your heart could see;
     Of all these men who adore you,
     I love you more.......

September 25, 1990

113. Should You Not Hear From Me

I wonder sometimes
     if you still think of me;
     if you remember my smile.
I wonder sometimes
     what you’re doing right now;
     what you’re wearing - where you are.
I wonder sometimes
     if you still say my name;
     if the smile I adore is still there.
I pray with all of my heart
     that you are always safe;
     that you never forget me.
I pray with all of my soul
     that the good Lord rests at your side;
     that you are happy and aglow.
I pray with all of my love
     that you care for me still;
     that you know I am here,
For despite the miles
     that keep us apart,
     you are still in my heart.......

112. Why I Smile At You

Sometimes I feel so lost,
     wand’ring through crowds,
          gazing into faces I cannot speak to.
I seem to roam aimlessly.
     feeling roses in my hand,
          yet, I cannot breathe their scent.
Uncertain stares are cast my way
     and I wonder if I will sail
          in harmony or in storm;
So though you may wonder
     why I stop to say hi,
          or why I always smile.
I do so because I see warmth
     in your eyes and your smile,
          and friendship in your heart.

September 18, 1990

111. Dreams Of The Heart

Wand’ring eyes do catch my glance,
     then dart away under your smile.
Why do you gaze and wonder,
     then turn as our eyes meet?
Oh, girlish grin of innocence,
     why do you beckon me so?
I wander through weary gardens,
     and you always catch my eyes
     with flowing strands of life aglow,
     renewing such childish thoughts.
You search for your dreams in these crowds,
     and you may look all that you want,
     for you will be so amazed
     to find these dreams lie in your heart.

September 16, 1990

110. Journey

Yes, ‘tis easy to say,
               “I love thee,”
But had these three small words
               never been written,
I’d travel through fiery pit
               to the edge of heaven
               in search of the perfect rainbow.
When hence t’was found,
               I’d return to you with my gift
               and your gleaming smile
               t’would mean more than humble words
               ever could.

109. Awestruck Petals

What reality is this?
     T ‘all seems a dream!
I love you, my dear,
     and you love me the same.
Never could I have dreamt
     such a scared reality we share.
I gaze at brilliant smile
     upon your face
     and wonder why you love me so,
For you’ve taken humbled serf
     and made this lowly peck
          the glowing illustrious rose.

108. Aspiration

Sing to me, oh midnight wind,
     of angel-soft breezes
          kissing the shore
And I shall fall to my knees
     with trembling hand
          at my brow.
From somber ashes
     there grows a rose
          with petals sweet as moonlight.
Her calling is my breath;
     her words I caress with mine;
          tears from Heaven’s above.

September 13, 1990

107. Becky's Eyes

I see you gazing into shadows,
Through transparent eyes.
Long brown strands flowing;
Wondrous smile clutching my heart.
What mysteries lie behind those eyes?
What thoughts do wander there?
I see worn paths under your feet,
Heartache within your walls;
Manly promises are childish games.
Oh, what are your dreams?
Your desires?
Look; You will find your treasure
In the soul you elude.
No promises, only truth.

September 11, 1990

106. Prayer

Excuse me--
     Sorry to disturb You.......

Maker of this Earth and humble
                    soul I call my own.
I see what troubles you face
                    and what hardships you’ve visioned,
And I hold this cross sternly,
                    tears in my eyes,
My knees to the floor,
                    my hands trembling (uncontrollably).
Never in my life have I bowed
                    my head to the mercy of another
                    as I do now to You.
I once asked for riches and life ever-lasting,
                    as well as other selfish needs,
But now I ask for only one thing.......
                    no more!!!

September 7, 1990

105. All The Roses

Cold autumn breeze
Take away this frigid river inside;
Flowing from heart to mind.
Soft white petals
Strewn across summer’s last bloom,
Recall the lonely nights.
Where once I walked in darkness,
Lost in emotions confused,
Tormenting you, tormenting life,
I now stand fast as I hold you in my arms.
When I utter “I love you,” it means more
Than two lovers or two friends,
But all the roses, the walks,
       the smiles, the feelings,
And I say it just to let you know
That after all we’ve been through,
I stand here, your beloved friend
       looking into the future
                     with you.

August 29, 1990

104. Midnight's Prayer

I pray to God
That should I die before we next meet,
You will understand
What great love you have given me
And that no matter what happens,
I believe I speak the truth when saying
I will love you always.
Radiant thoughts of you at sunset
Then dance through my mind.
As my eyes near joyous tears;
I recall the warmth of you in my arms,
Your breath in my face, your hand in mine.
I envision your smile, your beauty,
As I whisper, “I love you.”
Now, I can sleep.......

103. Tears...

A million I’ve cried in this humble lifetime,

Yet none compare to the one I cried for her.

A single tear encasing my life within its walls,

Yet a thousand lifetimes in it beauty.

Every dream, hope, and aspiration I’ve felt since we met

In a tear she caused with her loving words.

What a joyous tear was this;

The one that showed me the way...

August 28, 1990

102. To My Fair Juliet,

“No Juliet Am I” by shell
“No light upon the yonder window breaks,
No Romeo extends his loving hands;
No fair, beloved Juliet am I--
Alone upon the balcony I stand.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To My Fair Juliet,
True, my love--
     and forgive me for saying so--
You are no Juliet,
     treading on the path
          of infinite beauty,
Yet, nor am I
     the young lad
          gazing up at the light.
Despite such truths,
     such a divine lady rests
          in only one bed in one place...
          Fictitious Verona Streets.
No true Juliet may live,
     but from the day I write
          my first word,
          until the moment
          these weary eyes gazed upon you,
          never had I seen someone so near
          her world of beauty.
Never alone on the balcony shall you stand.

August 24, 1990

101. Parents; at 16

Funny, isn’t it,
     how it seems
          you care about such small details.
"Lock him up,” you call.
     “Throw the key away--
          take his car away!”
     You’re stupid!
          “Are you that dumb?!
          What the fuck’s your problem?!
          Dumbshit asshole!”
Lines you use to criticize.
     Ever think that if you were
                     more understanding,
                     there’d be less rebellion?
You ponder so long on the
                     little things I do wrong,
Yet when I give you an “A”
     or a scholastic award,
     you say, “That’s good.”
               And how soon you forget...
Remember the last time you said,
     “I love you”?
           Me neither.

100. Moments

Night in the park,
     lying with you on the grass,
     gazing up at your smile,
               your eyes,
               your love,
               and the endless blue-black abyss above.
Did you happen to notice
     when we first lie down,
     they sky is covered with clouds,
     but as we rise now,
     the evening sky is clear?
A sign from above
     or simple synchronicity--
     What does it matter?
For despite all around in this world;
     the beauty of these moments
     shall live on forever,
          just as this yearning,
               and love shall.

99. Together Forever

I feel so strong,
so safe,
in your arms,
as if nothing could ever
take you away.
You feel rainbows
and I feel
--were it possible--
even more.
The times we’ve shared,
the frontiers we’ve conquered,
the smiles we’ve exchanged,
each setting a new block in place,
moving it from the collapsing fence between us,
to the glorious wall
encircling us,
repelling the darkness, evil, and such,
adorning the tress,
waves, and beautiful rainbows
within our hearts
as they become one.

August 23, 1990

98. Falling Leaves

The first leaves began to fall
Remembering autumn’s past;
          snow covering a desert plain
                              hot; cold
                              dry; wet
          seasons passing.
Autumn last, I recall a child - a girl - and immaturity.
Autumn present, I see a woman.
                         I love you.
So that our passion,
          and sharing
                    may continue
     through the long winter

97. Our Time Has Grown Short

Oh, silence...
     Rid me of your evil grasp
     and let me speak.
     Your dark hand covers my lips
     so that I cannot say
     what I feel in my heart.
Oh, dear, beautiful girl
     to whom I write these caring words,
     know that my silence is note
          of anger, nor fear,
          a spiteful thought I could never muster.
          Silence is only my way of holding
          back these anxious tears
          that want to cry out, “I miss you!”

August 22, 1990

96. Innocence Lost: Blind Justice

Having just left the sight
       of your loving eyes,
I see now that
        the love you denied me
        and the sex I denied you
                could never conquer what we’ve forged
                       through the years........
Games, Money, Religion, Injustice, Sex...
      These of your world are yours,
             mine are mine.
                           Our lives shall not be one,
      but two separate lives we live
             on our own.
You live your life..........I’ll live mine
       and our paths, when they do cross,
       shall again be one bond...........
Transition complete,
        my jealousy is now worry.
               Where I once would hate that boy
                                   who was at your house until
        I now worry that he kept himself in line
                                     and didn’t hurt you.
This may not be true justice,
       but it is the little sanity
                                  I have.
Needless to say, we shall always be
       two separate lives
       bound by our past
                                  Am I wrong?
                               Or are you wrong?
Who is to say?
       Whatever the truth will be,
            I shall now stand at your side;
                               as a friend should,
            ignoring flaws.

Still I wonder what motivates you so...
         Sex, it seems, but is there something else?
                                 I know you will not tell!
         But I shall be your friend.
Take care,
         and always remember, despite our flaws,
                                     I am here,
                                            and will be here
                                                    for you...

August 20, 1990

95. The Night I Called Her House

 “Princess is sleeping,” your mother said.
      “Do you want me to wake her?”
 All I wanted in this world was to talk to you,
      but you were asleep.
 Then, I picture you in your endless beauty,
      lying in silence
 With gentle roses scattered around your bed,
      each breath you breathe,
      the scent of life and love you’ve given me.
 If only I were there to wake you with a kiss,
      show you the world I could share.
 “No, Mrs. Dutro,” I sigh, “please, let her sleep.”
      so that I may continue to dream...

94. Dreams

 Lying here,
      Visioning you as you sleep,
           so near, yet sometimes so far,
           rainbows and unicorns dancing in your dreams.
 I lay my head
      On this pillow and hold another to my chest.
 I breath the scent of perfume
      You gave to the poetry you wrote me.
 I close my eyes
      And see you lying here next to me,
      As I kiss you and hold you ‘til dawn.
 What a grand love we share,
           Let the night live forever in my dreams...

August 17, 1990

93. Dev'lish Nightmares II

I read now what horrid words I wrote,

And see what shock brings.

Those words were not to you, but to life.

They may sound harsh or even angered,

But I feel something in all of this

Has brought us closer,

For when I say. “I love you,”

I mean it more than I ever have.

It is behind us, my love.

My explanation?

As a gifted writer once wrote,

“No disaster could scare me from you.”

August 14, 1990

92. Murder In The 1990's

Gazing into the eyes

Of a skeleton who’s long-gone

Flesh once walked upon the shore.

Did you walk on the shore?

Did you have a man to call your own?

The tales those bones could tell

Would horrify the world;

But you’ve been called home.

Pity ‘twas before we knew you.

August 10, 1990

91. Innocence Lost: Regret

 The Lord blessed you with such beauty
      That each man would turn his head.
      I did.
 You left me standing alone.
 How many of these men love you
      For your smile, your personality?
 I see through them...
      They love popularity, flesh
      And will never love you as I once did.
 Pity you chose the many that lust
 And not the one soul who loved.
 What would be your sex will be my demise,
 For look in the mirror ten years from now
 And you shall despise what you see.
 Then, you will hear of me
 And grovel over what could have been...

90. Innocence Lost: I Only Wanted To Love Her

 I thought I saw love in your eyes.
      Don’t, they said. She’s lost it.
 Lost what, I thought.  Her prestige?  Her humbleness?
      In sorts, they said.
 They were the few who knew...

 Age fourteen.
 Just what you’d least expect from such a girl.
 Loving family,
      Caring friends,
           Popularity, Beauty, Life, Personality.
 Did you love him?  No.
 Did you care?  Maybe.
 Sooner or later, this happens to everyone.
      Everyone?  Why not me?
 Behind the school where you played as a child--
      Or were you still a child?
 Hiding in the brush, no love in your heart or mind,
      You took him, smiling; he left you, crying.
      Did you even cry?
           I doubt it!
      Were you older now?
      Were you a woman?
      Were you in love now?
      Is that what love is all about?
      No, No, No!!!
 The fourth question?  Pity you shall never know.
 Do you like her? this boy asked me.
 I dug deep into my heart.
      Yes, I said.  She’s witty, beautiful, happy, loveable.
      She’s wonderful!
 He looked beyond my caring words
      And told me of you and him that day,
      In the brush, behind your childhood playground.
      Then, do you know what he said?  I bet you don’t.
      “Get some man, hell I did!”
 You were lowered to that.  Was it him, me, the world?
      No, it was you who did it.

 Still, I cherished you.  Sent you roses, gifts, love,
      Yet, I think it all came down to one thing.
 I would have killed for you
           died for you
 But I didn’t give you what you first had at fourteen.
      Now, I see why you pushed me aside.
           Want some?  Get some.
 Your waves were kissed with passion and sex.
 Mine dreamt of love.
 Our oceans were separated by continents...
 I once looked into your eyes and found beauty.
      Tears were mine before I knew the real you.
                               “What a waste.”

89. Innocence Lost: Playing Your Games

 Birth, Games, Religion, Love, Sex, Death

 I told you I loved God.
                                                       You said, That’s nice.
 I told you I hated games.
                                                       You said, Let’s play.
 I told you I was born to write for you.
                                                       You said, See if I care.
 I told you I’d kill and die for you.
                                                       You said, No you wouldn’t.
 I told you I loved you.
                                                       You said, I care about you, too.
                                                       You lied.
 I told you I didn’t want only sex; It didn’t mean much to me.
                                                       You said, Me neither.
                                                       You lied again.
 You were
  my birth
     my hope
        my dreams
           my life
              my passion
                 my love
                    my death...
 Forgive me for giving love with my passion,
 But sex is one thing you shall never get from me
                                              Without love.

88. Rainbows

 I see your silent blue eyes
      in the sky that watches me.
 I see your oscillating strands
      in the golden fields that welcome me.
 I hear your name
      in the wind that brings chills to my spine.
 I hear your voice
      in the waves who’s mist kisses my lips.
 I feel your touch
      with each word I write.
 She is beauty.  Surely, you must miss her?
      the boundless ocean calls.
 No, I reply, so vivid are her words,
      her eyes, her love, that distance
      could never keep us apart.
      Our minds are one.
 How so?
 As sure as the rainbow is in the sky,
      Our dreams are the same.

87. The Ocean On A Lonely Eve

 Rolling waves crashing upon the shore,
      What do you try to say?
 My words were kissed by the waves
      that blessed me to write.
 Why then do you not give me the words now?
      Walk upon your shores,
      Capture your beauty on film,
      Cherish your sands, do I,
 And all you give is confusion.
      I wade into your depths,
      Call upon you for knowledge,
      Yet you do not answer.
 “Could it be because I miss her?”
      Another wave crashes upon the beach
      As I hear a whispered, “Yes.”
      I turn.  No one is around.

86. True Vision

 Cold evening sky
      pushing me towards summer’s leave.
 The crowds, the faces, the fame,
      it means no more to me.
 My voice once strewn their ears
      with words few understood.
 And the few who cared
      were nothing more than shadows I’ve left behind.
 Was it pity?
      Was it even my words of mouth?
      What did they care about?
      Was it me?  Could it have been me?
      Or was it just tolerance?
 Little matter now,
      for I have pushed on ahead.
 “You’ve all been left behind!”
 Let us now see who was there for me.

August 8, 1990

85. Perennials

 Let our love be a soft
      flower in an open field.
 Gaze at the field,
      and you shall not see one, but many.
 Gaze at each flower,
      and you shall see one, and many
 So that each petal
      is a different love.
 So be it then, that
      never shall one find
      the same love we share amongst another blossom.
 In our eyes, our soft blooms,
      rugged impacts of many-a-winter
      and those little surprises we cast.
 Our blossoms gaze into the summer sky,
      knowing seasons will change,
      but that after the snow,
      the fog, the rain,
 Summer will cast her beauty again
      and two flowers will stand,
      stems and leaves intertwined,
      supporting each other,
      ready to brave another winter.
 May our flowers never cease to exist...

August 3, 1990

84. Dev'lish Nightmares

Dev’lish nightmares terrify me no more;
I beg of you, be gone!
I can feel his arms holding you down.
I see it in my mind - everything.
Your screams echo through my ears.
Why must I hear them?!
What do you want?!
“I love you I love you I love you!”
I cry...
Perhaps that is why I cry myself to sleep.
I was helpless then as I am now,
Forgive me for my horrid dreams,
“I love you, but you must understand-”
I love you, but...never mind.
Why?!  Why?!  Why?!  Why?!  Why?!
Oh, God, wake me from such sleep.
What Good Are Tears Anyway?

July 23, 1990

83. Time Spent With You

   Soft wind rushing through my hair
   As the trees and buildings roll by.
   Oceans separate us from the world--
   Two lives as one, all the world
   Lost in the breeze as it flies by.
   The problems of our lives
   Are no longer ours, but mem’ries
   Of a faraway horizon.
   Yes, we must go back
   In only a few short hours...
   But always remember the moments
   When all that matters in the world
   Is you and me.

82.Behind Your Eyes

 Forgive me--
      If I hold you too long,
      Or too close,
      Or just plain too much,
 But you must understand
      What trance lays
      Before my wat’ring eyes
      When I gaze upon
 Those two shim’ring
      subtle oceans blue,
      soft pearls
      of a joyous smile so bright,
      and all of the beauty that lies behind them.

July 16, 1990

81. For Me

 Subtle tears, oceans of
      vivid emotion and thought,
 Bringing back mem’ries
      of white roses stained red--
      frail fingers on horrid thorns.
 Tears of pain, nor strife
      are these drops of life,
 But joyous tears of happiness,
      for with the endless words
      I’ve written since birth,
 Never had I heard a
      single word written for me
      until your loving words echoed through
      my ears as a snow-capped wasteland
      suddenly a pasture of blossoms divine,
 Changing my life; changing my words
      with wondrous dreams of what
      tomorrow’s sunrise will bring.

July 15, 1990

80. Our Garden

    Picked from its stem
         some time ago,
    You placed this frail
         flower in my hands,
    Yet a lush garden
         of daisies and roses
         has begun to sprout.
    Each petal, a soft
         moment in time--
    A beautiful instant in
         all of the world spent with you.
    And now, I return this flower
         in the hopes of it
         sprouting a garden
         of love, joy and happiness
         in your heart.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“For You” by shell

“There was a time in which i believed that perhaps it was the wind - only the wind, which called my name sweetly through the treetops of time; calling ‘til the echoes of its serenity settled gently and softly into the far corners of my heart.  And there was a time in which i came to believe that only the sun could warm these child’s eyes - as the sun remained to constantly flood me with beams of happiness and rays of security and peace; becoming a celestial haven to run to in times of anguish and times of need.  In those times when i desperately sought more than the empty promises that i found so easily among the well-meaning antidotes of family and friends.

But as i took a moment to pause in time and listen to the stillness and quiet in my once tormented soul - i chanced to stumble upon another possibility.  And I pondered this thought just long enough to realize that the sun and the wind were only quiet memories; memories of recent time during which i had shared moments of tranquillity and happiness with you...and I can only thank you in simple words for these joyous revelations that i have found in the pathways of mind; and now I only pray with all of my heart that there will be many more moments to remember in the days that will soon be past and in the days that are yet to come...

                          the seed has been planted...
                                                 let the garden grow...” *

*  ”For You” was written by and is the property of Michelle Luhman, 1990.

July 12, 1990

79. Angelic Dreams

  Darkest night,
       I lay restless upon a bed of
       Angelic white feathers,
       Yet they prick into my back,
       Swords of love’s tattered warriors.
  Oh, shadows of the evening sky,
       Ease the pain of conquests failed,
       Let the world’s happiness be mine.
       Take from me the suffering you always give,
       Lay upon me a new life.
  Suddenly, no moon, no stars, no light.
       Blackness lies before my eyes.
       When across the midnight sky
       A bold rainbow spans.
       Oranges, Blues, Yellows, Reds, darkness gone.
       How your light has made me joyous!
       Reds, Yellows, Blues, Oranges, ever-changing lights.
  I fight the sleep, yet the colors fade.
       Softly, I whisper,
       “Give me a dream so that I may live tomorrow;
       Make this life livable, complete.”
  When I awoke, I turned to see my
       Wish had been granted,
       For sitting there, watching my sleep
       Was my new life...

July 11, 1990

78. Sunrise

  Wand’ring eyes gazing
       To and fro this empty page
       And a sunrise so divine.
  Gentle blues and subtle oranges
       Dance in the sky,
       As orchid clouds roll by.
  A new day’s dawn
       Of early morning green;
       Of dew-kissed petals shim’ring,
  Yet, not a word I seem to write;
       A profound love poem,
       Or a simple rhyme - What does it matter?
  For though loving ink may not always flow,
       Love from my heart and glowing eyes
       And new life from my soul shall.
  If I utter not a word, nor recall a single thought,
       Your heart must not cry
       Tears of uncertainty and pain.
  Behold, such emptiness
       Shall only give way
       To more thoughts of you.

July 10, 1990

77. Savior

 With the eyes of a broken child
      I looked upon a life of somber verse,
 Brutally tossing me between hatred and favor,
      Wond’ring when I’d see a new sunrise.
 Faceless, pallid eyes called to my heart,
      A worthless paradox of life and death.
 Yet, into the darkness reached a frail hand
      And again I envisioned faceless eyes;
 No longer wan, these eyes were of the oceans, the sky,
      And atopped with golden strands.
 This hand reached to me and I took it
      As sure as I sit here with you.
 Darkness no more, revelation is mine
      In a heart I hold so dear - yours.

July 9, 1990

76. My "shell"

“shell” she signed her name,
     upon my heart with her wisdom;
     upon my shaking hands with her warmth;
     upon my eyes with her beauty;
     and upon my soul with her grace.
her subtle words kiss my mind
     as tender roses swaying
     in a warm summer breeze.
never did I notice the full moon
     when it is shadowed by tranquil clouds;
     nor what beauty the sea beholds crashing upon the shore.
a world anew she has opened to my eyes;
and with each new step forward,
     i shall walk neither fore or behind,
     but at your side where i fancy.

June 17, 1990

75. The Waves Of Time

"Across the waves of time,

From the creation of the world to its end,

What fortune I had that our paths crossed.

With all of the money and fame,

And power and talents in this world,

God gave to me the greatest blessing of them”