April 19, 1992

193. Without Me

When I stop to think about us,
I can’t help but cherish the happiness
I feel deep in my heart,
Yet it’s the things that try to keep us apart
That I can never conquer
              No matter how hard I try.
When you tell me such things
       As they want me around less,
       And that you should be with someone else,
It sometimes makes me feel
       (Oh, how I wish it’s not true)
       That maybe it would be better for you,
       Or maybe that’s what you want,
              And you just can’t tell me
              That you don’t want me anymore.
I don’t know, maybe I’m lost
       In a world I just can’t understand,
       But the pain I feel in my heart right now,
       Just makes me wonder
              If you’d be better off without me,
              And if you’re thinking the same.......

192. Take My Hand And I'll Lead You Through The Mist

Yet never could those images compare
To the beauty that surrounded you that night.
The water slowly coasted by at our feet
And through all of the confusion and chaos,
Through the misty fog and the cold air,
We had our one quiet spot
                           where we talked
And that was when I knew our love was real.
Subtle love songs echoed in the background
As I held you so close to me,
       As I fell so in love with you.
As we watched the water under the night sky,
       A seal slowly swam by
And that just made a beautiful thing
                           more perfect,
As if it was a sign that what we had was so right.
You seemed so in live with me that night,
       And forever will it be set in my memory.
And should you ever think about me and you
       And come to doubt anything we share,
Just remember how you felt as I held you then,
       For I will always take your hand
                           and show you the way.
Just put your trust in me,
       For I love you far too much
       To ever let something harm you,
       Or to even want to let you go.......

191. Heartbeat

Never could I tell you
What happiness it gives me
That when I hold you
In my embrace
That I can feel your heart beating,
As if it is beating one with mine.
For so long a time,
My heart beat for no reason,
Just to live a drunken dream
That seemed so out of reach.
Yet now, when I feel a heartbeat
Sounding deep in my frame
It is beating for a reason…
My heart beats for you.
Every time I feel your heartbeat next to me,
I just think of how world could never tell you
What it means to be with you.
Your heartbeat is a comfort
That lets me know it wasn’t all in vain
For your love has made life worth while.

190. What Made The Pain Worthwhile

Sitting quietly in my solitude,
I took up my picture of you
              into my hands.
And gazed deep into your eyes.
My remembrandts ran wild
With the evening wind through my open window
And I thought of all the pain in love’s gone-by’s.
I remembered how sorrowful the long nights
              used to be,
But what made the pain worth while--
I’d endure it all over again--
Is that out of this tragedy love had made
My once desolate life of chance,
Came the deep love through which
              I cherish you.

189. Happy Tears

More oft than not I wish I could count
The times I sat alone in my bedroom,
My head befallen into my hands
As I cried aloud with such pain
As tear after tear became one with my sorrow.
How I try to make you understand
These words crying deep within my heart
Through the tearful eyes of yesterday.
How hard it is for me to comprehend
That someone as special as you
Could really love me the way you do.
Just to feel your loving arms around me
Makes all of my worries disappear,
And should you see tears in my eyes,
Do not be alarmed. but cherish their love,
       For tear after tear now becomes one with my happiness.

April 18, 1992

188. What Trust Means To Me

How I remember playing such a  childish game:
I would cross my arms over my chest,
Close my eyes as tight as I possibly could,
And slowly, lean my head back.
All of my friends with all of their pointless dreams
Stood behind me with outstretched arms.
“Fall backwards,” they would say, “you shall not fall,”
But fall I did, hard on the ground.
       (oh how their laughter cut with such pain)
Time over again and again I would fall
Until finally I grew to trust no one at all.
My heart became so reserved, thinking no one
Would ever stand behind me with open arms.
Yet, as days passed on and the years flew by,
I met such a special friend that showed me loving eyes,
And with a gentle touch I learned to trust again.
Though I was scared, my heart so petrified,
I crossed my arms, bent my head back, closed my eyes,
And this time when I fell backwards,
I felt her arms not only catch my fall,
But embrace me to ensure
              no harm came my way at all.