March 26, 1994

289. Soft, Quiet Image

Quiet, empty dreams.
        Plain, meaningless song--
                All verse is the same--
Different words, different rhymes,
        Meaning all the same;
                Painful, mournful sorrow.
Lost, wandering strangers
        Have more to say to me
                Than the lips which I have kissed.
Gentle, quiet beasts that
        In the ocean do swim
                Have some to mean so much more
                Than love and life do anymore.
It seems at times
        T’would be easier to die
                Than to love another more than you--
My princess; I held you so warmly
                                in these arms,
        Just seconds before
                                I let you slip away.
        My dreams, my ambitions
                Were all visions of you,
                        Faded so far away
                                When you left my side.
This life I will live in turmoil
        Without you here at my side,
                Wandering aimlessly, loveless and scorned.
And when I turn to die,
        I know my last thoughts
                Will be a soft, quiet image
                        Of your beautiful face.......

March 15, 1994

288. Thoughts At The Pub...Last Call

It's the last call--
          Last chance to escape
          Far away into a better world.
What ale shall I choose
          Just minutes before
          I stumble out the door?
What poison will I drink
          To chase these dreams away
          Until another gloomy day?
I look across the table
          At that woman's
          Quiet blue eyes,
Thinking what does it matter
          When you won't remember
          Any of this in the morning.
"Bring me reality in a shot glass,
          And I'll chase it with my dreams,
          That way, when it hits me--
          I'll have a dream-filled reality,
          And realistic dreams!"
The bartender laughs
          And hands me moonshine and a gun
          With this playful line:
"This is much safer for you
          Than falling in love again."

287. Thoughts At The Pub...An Orca's Eyes - No World At All

Sudden, quiet eyes--
       Darting, Shifting, So Constantly Moving.
       Hollow, dark shining circles in the sea,
       Yet, behind such a cold exterior,
       Compassion and intelligence lies.
Swimming briskly through their world,
       Brilliant whispers call into the sea,
       Searching for answers
              To questions that are misunderstood.
What vanity, what conceit
       We have as mortal human beings
       To assume this world is ours--
       That we may do with it as we please.
Every lifetime will see a crossroads--
       Every life see a decision to be made--
              For this lifetime, our question is this...
What world are we leaving
       For our children to see--
       Or are we leaving any world
                                   at all?

286. Thoughts At The Pub...Never Found...

What is love anyway?
     A soft, quiet dream,
     Or a harsh, loud reality?
I'd tell you if I knew,
     But I have no idea.
Love has escaped me
     All this pitiful life--
And even though I have it all--
     Love is forever missing.
Each day I try to find it,

     But still, I have hope--
     For I am young with so much time,
But what I fear that most
     Is the day when I realize
     I have no one to love--
     No one to love me
     And I have no hope--
     For I am old with so little time left...

285. Thoughts At The Pub...Will My Princess Ever Live?

I pictured her eyes--
     The way they glimmer
     In the dancing candle-light,
     Their bright luster,
     Their wondrous mystery,
     Their quiet beauty--
Before I ever took the time
To actually gaze upon them.
I didn’t need to see her eyes--
     I already knew just who she was;
     She was the princess from my dreams...

Virtually every night,
     As I lay asleep,
     Gazing with my eyes closed
     Into the distant world
     Where hopes run free,
     And dreams are reality,
I dream the same dream
     Over and over again...

I stand quietly by the sea,
     Bare-foot in the sand
     Feeling the cold breeze
          As it pushes up the shore.
My eyes glimmer in the twilight,
     Watching the sun set on the blue water,
     Listening to the surf crash;
     Watching dolphins swim the waves...

When softly, on my shoulder,
     I feel a hand rest so warm.
Startled, I turn my head,
     My grip already on my sword.
As I turn over my shoulder,
     I meet a pair of brilliant eyes,
     Long, wondrous strands
          Oscillating in the wind,
     And the warmth of a beautiful smile...

She stands so close;
     I can feel her warmth.
Her long, flowing gown,
     A wave of thick magenta
     Lined in jewels and gold
     Shudders and flaps in the wind.
The frail, diamond-covered crown
     Sits so frail upon her head.
Her words are soft--
     So soft, I can barely make them out.
She asks only this question--
Will she forever be my princess,
     And I, forever her prince...

I stab my sword into the sand,
     And turn to hold her
                       in my embrace,
     And with gleaming, brilliant eyes,
          To her, I say this...

For this lifetime,
     And any other that we may live,
Not even the waves of time
     Will pull me from your arms;
And should one day,
     I awake without you by my side,
I will search through all the world,
     Until once more,
          You, my princess, I find...

284. Thoughts At The Pub...My Heart Is So Much More

How oft I've tried to understand--
Yet, each time I try,
You just tell me that I can't.
Never do you give me a chance
To try to see this world
   Through your eyes.
You only say,
   "You're trying too hard."
Maybe I try so hard,
          my dear,
   Because I don't want to understand,
          For I loved you anyway.
And even though I don't know why,
   A small piece of my heart
          Will love you always--
So why try to understand my love
   When happiness will be yours
          The day you learn to trust
                  Not me, but my heart,
   For my heart is so much more
          Than I will ever be...

283. Thoughts At The Pub...Apart, We Are None

Now that you have gone,
Shout aloud across the wind,
And let all the world
Hear the words leave your lips;
Leap high into the air,
Look across the vast sea,
And realize your dreams;
Run through the empty field,
So fast that bad dreams
Can no longer catch you,
Yet, please, dear girl,
Do not fall away so far
That even your hopes
And the dream you've forgotten
Can no longer save you
From the life you so easily toss away.
And the day you finally see
No man in this lifetime--
Or for all eternity--
Will love you as much as me,
Will be the day I know
I will love another
Far more than I ever loved you....

282 Thoughts At The Pub...The Poet II

The pub is full of people---
       All of them laughing,
              Joyously reveling over their drink.
Each one has a dream,
       Each drink, a new vision.
Everyone has a smile--
       A pocket full of posies,
              A hand full of dreams-come-true,
Except for the lone one in the corner,
       His eyes shallow under the candle-light,
              His face molded into a frown.
       He wears only black,
              For he is the one cursed
              With emotions so deep--
He knows all about love,
       All about happiness,
Yet, he's never actually seen
       A smile in the mirror,
              Or received a card on Valentine's Day.
He is not a freak, nor a loner
       He is much worse off than that--
              He is a poet...

281. Thoughts At The Pub...Innocence Lost III: This Time, It Was Me

What is absent here?
What is gone from these words
       That I once knew so well?
Each day, I pen a new line,
       Yet, how long it has been
              Since my heart touched the page.
I've walked to the sea,
       Drawn to the waves my question,
              And received no answer...
I've turned to the sky,
       Shouted to the clouds above,
              And received no answer...
I've asked time and time again--
       "What is gone from the words?"
              And then, I realized what it was.
Somewhere along the way,
       At some point on this journey,
              Love left my side,
              Tears showed my pain,
              And somewhere in between,
                     I lost my innocence;
                     And now, I want it back.
Too late, I suppose,
       But as a candle dying in the wind,
              I'll close my eyes and remember
                     A time way back when
                     My words were my love,
                     And my love was you...

280. Thoughts At The Pub...Untrue; A Child's Dream

I Need A Drink--

Tossing ideas 'round my head...

Deadlines!  Deadlines!  Deadlines!

Always so busy, Yet always-

                           Doing nothing at all...

Is this all there is?

These pointless, meaningless words-

                           Nothing more?

Funny, all the Dreamers told me

   When I was such a child,

          That there would be more--

                           So much more than this.

T'would be a lie to say this was nothing,

   Yet, all of these somethings...

          Add up to nothing...

                           Just like these words.

279. Thoughts At The Pub...BirraPoretti's

Booming, Cheerful Voices
   Echoing Loudly Through The Pub;
Dim, Soft Light All Around,
   Accented By The Dancing Candle-light...

The long, mahogany Irish bar
   Where dreams are dreamt,
   And lifetimes spent;
   Where reality is pushed away,
   And hopes are no longer crushed...

The shaking hands that hold
   All the alcoholic sights--
   The over-worked businessman,
   The under-aged drunkard,
   The quiet, plain-eyed widow,
   And all of reality's
          Other patrons of life...

The beautiful, warm-voiced waitress;
   The one who smiles so beautifully
   Under long, dark strands
   And her brilliant, wondrous eyes.
   You feel like you've known her life-long,
   But her beauty still makes you nervous...

The music is much too loud,
   Yet, not loud enough;
   A couple is dancing by the bar,
   So close, so in love
   That you can see their dreams
          In their glimmering eyes...

The lonely people watching
   That couple in sheer joy,
   Their eyes cut with envy,
   Their smiles telling lies,
   Wishing reality was a dream
   That they could dream sober...

Everyone here knows your face;
   They've seen you a thousand times,
   But how many people know who you are?
   How many people know who you are?
   There are too few to mention,
   It's too trivial to matter...

And when your drink spills across the table
   And suns down on to the floor,
   You rest your head on the wood,
   Lying face down in the ale,
   Slowly passing out at the bar
   And ask yourself
   Why, what am I doing here?...

But, you know you're here for one reason;
   This is the only place
   Where you're at home,
   The only place here your dreams
   Are no longer dreams,
   But beautiful, wondrous reality
   Waiting only seconds out the door...