July 30, 1992

208. While You Were Away: "I Am So Afraid Of Living In Oblivion"

I. Life’s Mirror Of Reflection

Such countless times
Throughout all of my life,
From just a baby,
To now being called a man,
I have sat in this very spot,
High on this same cliff,
Gazing quietly at the ocean below,
The powerful surf hitting the shore
With the majesty of all the empires
From the beginning of the world
And the vast ocean spanning to the horizon
Like a quiet, blue blanket of endless time.
I’ve come here in play and jest,
To speak to the Lord and feel his power,
To cry my sorrow away in the ocean,
To feel again a life I once wanted to end,
To rejoice a beautiful poem,
And now, here I sit, crying once more.
Such tears are no longer alone
With no one in the world to share them with.
These tears are for you, my love...
Who would have thought I could possibly
Miss someone so much as I miss you?
Such a painful past is far behind me--
I no longer wish to leave this world--
And the happiness we share means
More to me than anything I’ve ever held,
Yet, often, I wonder what could be
If ever I had to live without you
And it scares me more than death ever could...



II. Rainy Yesterdays

Through vague memories
Clouded in mystery and dust,
Cast away from my mind
For one reason or another,
And faces that now seem so unfamiliar,
I remember a time when
A cheerful line I’d never written,
No sweetness in such heartless words of morbidity,
Wond’ring what the new dawn
Would bring to my tear-filled eyes.
All I wanted in life was death.
My dreams were harsh as reality,
Yet reality seemed nothing but a painful dream.
When first you and I spoke,
And our lives finally crossed paths,
You couldn’t hide the pain in your eyes.
I knew deep in my heart what you felt
And how you wondered why things
Were as they turned out.
At that moment in time,
Whatever the cost, whatever the hardships,
I knew I had to take the pain away
From both our hearts.
How I sought to change the pain
Into a happiness we both could share...



III. The Love We Now Share

As time passed through smiles and tears,
You and I have forged something
Stronger than the oldest stone,
More beautiful than all the world,
And ever-lasting as the heavens above.
Life is no longer mine and yours,
It has become ours,
The beauty of what we share
Could never be surpassed.
Our dreams are one in the same.
Our love could conquer the world,
Our friendship is more divine
That the holiest of temples on Earth.
All of the things you and I share
Can all be set into one phrase...
We explore the mysteries of life
Side by side, always together...
And that means more to me
Than anything else in all the world,
For the hardships are not as frightening,
And the joys are much more brilliant
Now that we share them together...



IV. Tomorrow’s Uncertainty

Though your love and all its beauty
Has made me happier than ever before,
I ask of you, my love, what do you see
When you gaze through the clouds
And try to make out how the future will be?
Will you and I truly be in love
For all of eternity and beyond?
What if one day, all of this is gone?
What if this will be a memory
And not the future we long for?
If I had to live my life
Without you here by my side,
I’d be swimming alone
In the middle of the ocean at night.
Upon the horizon, I would see
A single light on the water.
No matter how long I swam,
No matter how fast I pushed on,
The light would never grow closer,
Only sit in the same spot,
Beckoning me needlessly on.
My dreams would all slip away
And my hopes would no longer be
Enough to keep me afloat,
And sure as the sun, I’d slip away
Down into the ocean’s depths,
My soul never to rise again...
Yet, what if we stay forever true
And our love is endless abroad
From this day forward
Until the end of time?
What joyous years we could share,
Spending the beauty of life
Together as one.
We could explore life’s mysteries
And conquer each and every one.
Just give me your hand, dear girl,
And the future will be ours...



V. Tell Me You Want The Same

So, here I sit high above the sea,
Watching the day fade away
And pass on into the night.
The sound of the crashing surf
Echoes even louder than before.
My eyes strain through the moonlight
As I search the night for you.
I’ve seen us grow close together,
Conquering it all together as one,
But what I have not seen,
And never shall,
Is what tomorrow will bring.
Yes, I fear that pain may someday
Be close to my heart again,
But what I fear more than that
Is Living In Oblivion,
Not knowing if tomorrow’s sky
Will be a brilliant blue, or a shadowy grey.
Tell me, my love, what do you feel?
I want us to be forever,
To share the joy of the rest of our lives.
Show me you love me, my dear,
Reach over to me when next we are one,
Kiss my lips, and tell me you want the same.......

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