157. The Pain Of Love Lost Young

“I love you,” she said
With trailing eyes.
I tried to kiss her,
But she was already gone.

I gaze to memories afar--
     O, heart, I beg do not sink!
I remember that smile,
     Those dark eyes, and oh, that wink!
They all set my mind astray
     And somehow my words are slurred.
My eyes call with wanting thoughts
     And my heart is set a-sturred.
The sunlight shines on her face;
     In that one special way.
She made me forget the world;
     My troubles drifted away.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

     This is not an old rerun, just a well-worn trail.  Tragedy has always held my hand and my heart belonged to no one.  Harsh as it may seem, it is the truth.......

My heart was set away
I had hidden it so well
From the girlish smiles in the day
And the nights they tried to sell
     For I had fallen in love once before
     And was ledt tearful by a lonely shore

Heartbreak had always been mine
Just as those well-worn fears
And even the most joyous rhyme
Could not rid me of such tears
     I vowed to build a wall so high
     That love would never again be nigh

But what I saw that cold morning
Made me want to live once more
For the gorgeous smile she was adorning
Was unlike any I’d seen before
     And in her eyes, a ahppiness so true
     It was love once more -- my tattered dream anew.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

     I stood in the cold hallways following a midday practice.  My worn figure was a mess.  As I rounded the corner, my heart fell into the shadows, for standing there was an angel.  Sure, I’d seen her before, but never looking as pretty as she did that afternoon.  Her cheerful eyes were aglow as an emerald sea.  Her long, dark strands lay limp on her shoulders.  The beauity of her countenance would have set the wonders of a white rose jealous.  Her figure was adorable and her walk caught many-an-eye.  But through all of these wonders, it was her smile...yes, it was that smile that caught this boy’s eye.
     Kimberly was her name; I could never forget it.  Since first I laid eyes on her, never had I seen anything but that bright and beautiful smile.  You see, my life was in shambles; each sunrise was not abeginning, but just another endless day of sorrow.  I had hit the lowest depths of depression and all I wanted was happiness - a joy I saw in Kim’s gorgeous face.
     “Hi,” a soft voice echoed through my ears.  My thoughts were stopped abrupt.  My wandering stare darted upwards.  Kim was standing in front of me, that smile oh so close.  My heart raced and my mind was a million thoughts.
     “Uh, hi, Kim,” I muttered, my knees growing weak from her beauty.
     “Just get out of practice?” she asked in an enthusiastic voice.
     “Yes,” I answered softly.
     “You look a little tired,” she said in a concerned tone that warmed my heart.  “Are you going to be up to doing anything after the game tonight?”
     Her smile had me in a trance.  I took me a moment to answer, “Well, um, I haven’t planned anything yet.  Why?”
     “Because,” she said, resting her hand on my shoulder.  “I’ll wait for you by your car after you get out of the lockerrroom tonight and I’m gonna buy you dinner.”
     My heart jumped into my throat.  “Oh, OK.”  Before I could even think of what to say, Kim was already on her way, and as my eyes watched her gait, I felt then just how fast my heart was beating.
     You couldn’t imagine the feeling in my heart that night when I walked out of the lockerroom after having been yelled at for nearly half-an-hour, and there she was, standing by my car in her cheerleading uniform with that smile sending a warm glow to my heart.  She ran over to me the second she saw me, threw her arms around my neck, and, to my surprise, pressed her lips to my cheek.  “What’s wrong?” she asked in a tender tone, trying to cheer me up.
     “We lost,” I pleaded.
     “You did fine!” she called out.  “I’m still proud of you!”
     Actually, I had played the worst game of my life, but suddenly, I didn’t feel so bad.  Kim had a way of doing things like that.  She would take something that would have normally ruined my day and turned it into something to smile about.  Kim always made me smile, made me laugh, and she turned my life around.  When I looked back on life, I no longer saw a barren field charred by love’s painful fires, but pure white roses sprouting from the blackened ash.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

     Six months soon passed, and Kim and I sent mostly all of our time together.  Over those months, I saw who Kim really was; the person under the beauty and that smile.  The little things she said and did always made me realize how special Kim reallly was.  The carefree, childish manner she acted in when I was down always managed to fill my heart with joy.  She was tender and caring at just the right moments.  The one thing that I will never forget -- my God, I hear it in my mind a thousand times each day -- is the way she would smile that one grgeous smile I fell in love with and say to her friends, “He says he’s gonna marry me.”
     Sure, we had our fallouts once in a while, but Kim always took the bad things and made them into good things.  Kim and I usually went out n Friday nights, but one particular Friday night, some guys from the team were going to a warehouse party and invited me to go with them.  I told Kim that I had something to do with my parents so she wouldn’t worry about me.  She always worried when I went out with a bunch of friends because we always ended up in trouble somehow.  Well, to make a long story short, at the party, we got into a huge fight with some guys from another school over something stupid, and even though we won, we were still pretty banged up.
     Later that night, catering to my black eye and bruised ribs, my friends and I pulled into the school parking lot.  My heart fell and my stomach rose into my throat as I stepped out of the car and saw Kim and her friends.  I tried to hide myself in the darkness, but Kimsaw my car and ran up to me.  “I don’t believe you!” she hollered, pushing my shoulder.
     “I’m sorry,” I sighed quietly, and in pain.  “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”
     “Why’d you into a fight thise time?” she demanded.
     “I don’t know,” I pleaded.  “We just did.”  I was waiting for Kim to turn and walk away.
     “I can’t believe you got into a fight without me there to protect you,” she laughed.  I sharply looked up.  Kim put her hands on my shoulders and shook me a little.  “Don’t take chances like that,” she said as tears began to fill her eyes.  “You could get killed and I couldn’t handle that.  you mean more to me than anything else in this world.  I love you.”
     I held Kim in my arms.  For the first time, I realized how much she really did care for me.  For the first time in all my life, I saw a future through the fog.  My life actually had meaning to someone, and that someone was the girl lI loved with all of my heart.

Warm summer sun blooming flowers;
Echoing laughter bright’ning my life.
As love to the petals of a rose,
She picked me up and lever let me down.
When I needed it most,
She took me in her arms and smiled.
Loving words could never tell her;
I care fo her more than life.
Saddened darkness was once my world,
A dream anew, she has let me live.
Over the years I shall never forget
The one girl in this world
Who gave me something to life for.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

     The months flew by like hours, as deeper and deeper Kim and I fell in love.  Two years quickly passed and we found ourselves at the end of our senior year in high school, looking forward to a great future...a future we had planned to share with each other forever...well, until that night.......
     The cold evening air pierced through my frame as the frigid February rain fell endlessly from the sky.  The lights blurred through the windshield and the road was slick under the tires.  My hands were gripped tightly on the steering wheel, as the fog began to roll in.  I’d driven in the rain countless times before, but never had I seen it falling with such a down-pour.
     “It’s getting pretty bad,” I said.  “Maybe we should go home and wait for it to clear up a little.”
     Kim leaned over and rested her head softly on my shoulder.  “It’s not that bad,” she said.  “My mom said that my grandmother might not live through the night and I want to see her before...”
     I nodded, not wanting to take my eyes off the road that I could barely see.  I wanted to stop, nut I knew Kim’s grandmother had been very ill and I knew she wanted to see her before she passed away.  It would have meant so much to both of them and I wasn’t about to take that away.
     “Well,” Kim said, resting her hand over mine on the wheel and moving her seat belt under her arm so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable as she leaned over to me, “we could stop somewhere and see if it clears up some.”
     “No,” I said, “you should see her.  Your parents will worry if we don’t get to the hospital soon.  Honey, please put your seat belt back on.”
     Kim looked at me and smiled.  “I love the way you are over-protective with me.  I will in a minute, just let me be close to you a second.”
     I felt Kim’s hand slowly caress my cheek as she moved her head forward and touched her lips to my cheek,  just as she did the first night.  Just as I felt her kiss, I caught a glimpse of the headlights jumping the divider in the middle of the road and landing right in front of me, the light blinding me.  My mind raced, my heart skipped a beat.  I downshifted the gears, the winding noise screaming through the night air.  I tried to turn out of the way...oh, I tried harder than I had ever tried at anything in my life.  I try to think -- what hours I spend, day after day, trying to find something else I could have done!  My mind tells me there was nothing, but my heart keeps searching for the impossible.
     I can’t remember exactly how I felt as the car crumbled in front of me and the jolt threw my body forward, my seatbelt digging so harshly into my flesh.  As soon as we stopped sliding on the slick road and I shook the cloudiness from my head, I looked to Kim, quickly reaching to grab her arm.  She was slumped over towards the door, and as I wrapped my hand around her arm to pull her over to me, I felt the shards of glass cutting into my fingers.  Despite the pain, I pulled her back through the broken side widow and wrapped my arms around her.  The blood...the blood was everywhere -- I can’t shake it from my mind!  My hands shook, as I felt my heart pounding rapidly in my chest.  I let Kim go, kicked open my door and quickly ran to the other side of the car.  “No1”  I remember yelling “no” over and over again as the rain drenched my painful frame.  I couldn’t get the door open; I pulled with a strength I’d never felt before, and finally, I pried it loose.  I reached into the tattered car and took Kim into my arms.  I carried over to the side of the road, setting her down in the grass, waiting for her to open her eyes.  I can’t recall ever wanting to see those beautiful emerald eyes as much as my tear-filled vision did at that moment.  I knelt over her, caressing her cheek, trying to keep the rain off her face.
     Slowly, she opened her eyes.  They pierced right through me.  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, the tears falling from my eyes.  “I’m so sorry.”
     I don’t know how, but she managed a bit of a smile.  “No,” she whispered, “it’s not your fault.”  She struggled to raise her hand to touch my face.  “I love you,” she said with trailing eyes as her arm slid down to the ground.  I tried to kiss her, but she was already gone.  I leaned over, and taking her in my arms, kissed those beautiful lips one last time as the cold echoing of sirens drowned my tears.  “I love you, too,” I whispered.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

     I keep talking of memories, and you’ll have to excuse me, but they’re all I have left.  She came into my life with such a whirlwind that nothing in this world could ever take her place.  Yes, she is gone now and I stand before you, a tattered soul gazing into a future with absent eyes.  “He’s gonna marry me,” he’d always say to her friends with that gorgeous smile and longing eyes, and now.......now, my future was only a cloud of memories in the pain of a love lost young.

156. Slow Dancing

The Music Echoes quietly in my ears,
The evening sky, clear and beautiful above,
The stars, the moon, the dim lights over the water,
Softly give color to your smooth skin,
Your eyes dark as they look into mine.
The feel of your arms around my neck,
     Comforting and warm;
My hands on your waist, holding you close.
Subtle scent of your sweet perfume,
I breathe from such beauty,
As you are so near to me.
We move as one, your tender lips meeting mine.
You sing to me in your quiet tone--
Words to a melody I’ve heard I know not how oft,
But now, from your lips, the song
     Makes me a slave to love.
Under the moonlight, that dress so pretty,
     But nowhere near that gorgeous smile.
Looking at you, as you glance into the night,
     I think of the wondrous relationship
     We have forged through the rainy days,
     And warm, loving nights, sharing our dreams,
     As I hold back the tears of joy I feel
          Swelling over my eyes.
Come what may, through the good times,
     And even, should there be, bad times,
I will always be dancing there with you,
     Your wondrous beauty in my arms,
     And my heart in your hands,
     The Music Echoes...Forever.......

155. My Future With You

A spontaneous glance slipped into a word,
Then the hello’s and smiles turned to conversations,
Which led to emotions and desires,
Until finally, I set my heart on your love.
I will always remember the first time we kissed,
The first time I held your hand,
The first time I felt the warmth of you in my embrace.
Remembering such things brings joy to my heart,
But they still could never compare
To my hopes and dreams for my future--
                       my future with you.......

154. The Boy In Your Heart

As beautiful as they are,
It’s not your eyes, dear girl
     nor the skies,
That tell your tale anew,
That speak of life’s happiness
     And the wonder the world could have,
But it is the boy in your heart
     And how he feels about you.......

My love for you could take a wilted rose,
     And make brilliant velvet petals once more.
I think of you only twice each day--
     When I am awake, and when I sleep.
My love is always here for you
     To pick you up should you fall,
     And even if it seems that the world
     Is turning its back on you,
     I’ll still be there to dry your tears,
     And give you my love through the years.
Forever, I will be here--
Of losing me you should never fear,
For you’ve captivated me in such a way,
That I look forward to waking up each day,
Just to hold you in my arms.
Yet words of love could never tell you
     Just how special you are to me.

153. When Love Has Gone Away

Such futile emotions bottled inside;
    I beg of you, be gone from my sight.
What a felonious smile bear the lips of love
    To captivate your mind and heart,
    To gut your soul and throw it all away.
How I pray that these eyes may be strong--
    Strong enough to hold back the tears
        When love has gone away,
For tears are what she wants to see,
    As she leaves you standing in the rain.......

152. So That We Shall Be Together

I sit here
In this quiet room,
              With my words,
That were once cold and painful,
But now, they are warm as they speak of you.
Cold winter rain
Is coming down
To make me wonder
Where you are.
How I dream and think of you,
Wishing at this moment
       That you were by my side,
Longing to run my fingers through your hair,
And feel you here, next to me.......

I see us, sitting silently,
       Gazing up at the stars.
I remember thinking
       That this would not happen,
       That we would never be this close,
Yet now, your tender lips touch against mine,
       As I caress your soft skin.
My dreams of love come true,
       As, softly, I whisper, “I love you.”
I hold you so tightly.
       Praying that you will never leave.
My life is seen through your eyes;
My future is in your smile.
My dreams are in your laughter;
My hopes in your beauty.
Never will I let anything come between,
       So that we shall be together.

151. Why I Do The Things I Do

Do you ever wonder
       Why I do the things I do?
       Why my eyes are constant,
              Forever looking at you?
       Why I kiss you so often?
       Why I grin that way
              When I see you each morning?
       Why I take your hand?
       Why I always want to hold you so near?
I do it to make you smile:
       The way your eyes glimmer
       As you smile could always make
       My heart bleed a tear of happiness.
I do it to make you laugh:
       The cute, girlish giggle
       That says, Forget your troubles,
       I’m here with you now.
I do it to make you wonder:
       Does he really care as much
       As he says - could it be true?
       I tell you, my love,
       Words could never be truer.
I do it to make your heart race:
       The way it does when someone
       Surprises you,
       Or just make you happy.
I do it to make your sky a gleaming blue:
       For never would I do anything
       Other than give you the best,
       To make your days bright, never sorrowful.
I do it to make your tears only joyous ones:
       If I had my way, never again
       Would you shed a tear
       For sadness and what was lost,
       But for happiness and what we have gained.
And most of all,
I do it because you’ve made me so happy:
       You’ve allowed me to be one with you,
       To give you a love I’ve only dreamt of,
              And a chance to make you as happy
                                       as you’ve made me.

150. Trying To Forget

They asked me today,
     If I was going to your party
     To wish you a happy birthday.
I thought of how it was
     Some years back:
How is it that I once worshipped
     Your ground that
     You walked upon,
And all you could offer
     Was that phony friendly smile
     And the knife in my back?
You couldn’t answer it now,
     And neither could I,
But even though you try
     To make me forget them now,
     The painful memories will still live on.......

149. Looking Over My Shoulder

I fell asleep in a prayer and woke up in a dream,
A revelry of hatefulness and thoughts that were obscene.
Swimming in a puddle of tears that drowned my eyes,
Screaming loudly at you, yet you’d just ignore my cries.
Drifting in turmoil, I staggered from your sight,
Thought of as a coward despite my effortless might.
I walked the lonely streets back to my solemn home,
Only to face the reality of sitting all alone.
But still, I went on, thinking of nothing new,
For even as bad as you once treated me,
         I still felt the same way about you...

148. A Portait Of You

What countless hours I give
To just sitting in the dark,
Eyes on nothing but a dream
And the portrait of you painted in my mind.
Your eyes run so deep;
An ocean stirring within my soul--
With waves rolling to my heart,
Carrying it out to sea
With the tide that sails my love
                         for you.
The water, a deep blue, crashing against the cliffs,
As birds fly overhead, the sun disappearing
                               beyond the horizon.
You dance upon the evening sky,
Such as the bright moon to a dim star,
Your figure falling down into my arms
As I carry you off to such a world of beauty
Where roses never wilt, the wind blows never too cold,
Where the portraits never fade to lose their brilliant colors,
                          and my love for you never dies.......

147. When You Hold Me In Your Arms

I hold that soft hand in mine
Such countless times each day.
Your smiles give me joy,
Yet nothing as divine,

As the soft wind that kisses my face
When you reach your arms
Out to me and hold me
In your warm embrace.

I search endlessly to find words to say
That as time passes by,
And seasons change from rose to snow,
While we are one, my favor shall never sway,

For the hold you have on my heart,
With your eyes that pierce my soul,
And the happiness you give me,
Will always make we wish we never part.

146. Once Glance Into Your Eyes

If God hath told me soft from His own lips,
From throne of angelic white cloud and thunder,
That one day I would meet such a sweet girl
That by just one glance into beautiful eyes,
Would freeze my spine and set my heart a-race,
I would have laughed and made such a jest.
Yet now, when I look into your quiet eyes
And feel the chill on my back, the pulsating of my heart,
I’d tell Him that He said nothing of the part
Where my spirits are lifted to His Heaven,
And my love is set only on her wondrous smile.

145. The 155th Sonnet: Tiffany's Beauty

When silent sunset casts a shadowy grey,
The sky ablaze in brilliant twilight blue;
What joyous thoughts do warm a windy day;
The beauty of the world I see in you:
Spring’s young love does make the rose petals soft,
Tender as the evening seabreeze in July.
If only such beauty was mine so oft
That not a dew-kissed rose would ever die:
As tenderly our lips join with such bliss,
Such soft, silken skin I feel with my touch.
Why I touch your quiet face as we kiss?
To caress the beauty I love so much:
     So that when autumn’s leaves begin to fall,
     My love of you will see me through it all.

144. A Single White Rose

Stunning sunset before such captive eyes,
Radiant yellow sun falling beyond
Tranquility of the ocean blue;
Waves echoing through my ears,
Periwinkle clouds softly quiet in the sky.
What wonder that lies before weary eyes,
Yet heart and mind on nothing but you.
Your starry eyes sparkle ablaze;
The flush of your cheek when we meet;
A smile to clear gray clouds away;
The heart-stopping way you always
Look down before our lips come to meet--
O, what soft lips against mine
That could make the world stand still,
Bring the stars down from the sky.
With every whisper from your lips,
I await the moment when
That gorgeous smile will be mine alone.
What I would give that you knew how oft
Your beauty makes me stop to think
Of the sunset and the wonders of
                        a single white rose.

143. The Poet

Why am I cursed with this heart
     That cares too much and is blind to the truth?
Evil spell of words cast upon me
     To write such heartache,
Why do you plague my nights
     With dreams of love and happiness.......
     Of quiet whispers in the angelic-white roses
     Swaying in a tranquil breeze
     As twilight of lavender spans the sky?
What I would give to make
     My verse fiction, unreal; painless.
My tormented soul looks back to life without a care,
     To the words that span the pages;
     Of loves-lost and by-gone days,
     But why, oh why, do the tears still fill my eyes?
‘Tis the dream of the past
     That casts tears to eyes,
     Makes minds wonder, and hearts beat,
Yet, why does no one understand?...
     All the poet wants is to be loved.

142. The Wandering Stranger

How oft I’ve wondered
What happiness means
Through clear blue skies
And age-old streams,
Through lush green forests
And sunsets far away;
I have spent my life
Searching for it day by day.
Little do I find, but
Still I travel on,
Walking towards the sunset,
Walking towards the dawn.
The farther I wander,
The more I come to know,
But how futile it is,
For I have nowhere to go,
Yet show me a world in which
I could live my life with you,
And surely, I would travel there.
But what a fool to think it’s true,
So father on I journey
In this circle ‘round and ‘round,
Looking for something
Never to be found.

141. Your Broken Dreams

Oh, why do you say I am wrong
And take away what is there?
You press your lips to mine
And I think of what we could share.

You give me your hand
As we walk along the shore,
But two minutes later
You’re uncertain, just like before.

One day you love me,
And the next, you don’t care,
So now I walk away,
Offering only a lonely stare.

I try to love you,
But it’s harder than it seems,
For I’ll always be picking up
The pieces of your broken dreams.

140. My Secret Love

Standing in the doorway,
Looking down at you,
Watching as your
Sweet eyes sleep and
Dream of a day anew.
The young red roses in my hand;
The soft warm rain
As it hits your windowpane;
The midday sun casting the light
Down on to such a wondrous visage;
The beauty of all the world,
I see when I look to you.
If only I might wake you
With the touch of my hand
On your soft cheek,
And the loving eyes
I’ve waited so long to show you.

139. The Short Glances We Share

Across the crowded hallways,
I have watched you for so long;
My heart falling with your every smile.
How oft I sit and think o f you--
Those tender eyes, your gentle laughter.
My dreams of you are young white roses,
Longing to caress your soft cheek
And rid you of those tears forever.

138. My Picture Of You

it’s all here in this portrait--
i keep it always at my side--
your transparent eyes,
the beauty, and all of your life.
i always wish
that there is something i could do
to show you the true beauty of this world.
if only i could
take you into these caring arms
and make the pain disappear,
for i remember the tears rolling down
your shivering cheeks, frozen by his coldness.
my dear, beautiful girl,
with teary eyes and your quiet smile,
put the past behind you
and look to the future,
for should your world
collapse around you,
i shall reach out my hand
and comfort your tears.
in this life, you shall always have
my heart to hold on to,
and my shoulder to cry on...

137. To The Girl Who Cheered Me Up That Cold December Evening

The warm summer sun, blooming flowers;
The echoing laughter bright’ning my life.
As love to the petals of a rose,
You picked me up and never let me down.
Loving words could never tell you;
I care for you more than life.
Saddened darkness was once me world;
A dream anew, you’ve let me live.
During those cold winter nights
Under a full moon so bright,
Tell me those tales you once told.
Relive those beautiful nights with me, for
Over the years I shall never forget
The one girl in this world
Who gave me something to live for.

136. A Young Girl's Innocent Eyes

My days are kissed with warm raindrops,
Falling from such a beautiful sky above.
The nights are but young white roses
Dancing through your brilliant eyes.
If only you know the wondrous feelings
Running deep inside--
When you stop to smile.
To walk with you in the rain,
And to watch youth’s brilliant roses bloom...
Across such dreams, I look to you and wonder,
For you know that empty spot there in your heart?
That is where I long to be.

135. "...Torn Apart By All This Loneliness"

There is the shore
Where I once stood
And watched the world
Roll by on the waves.
You could have felt the pain
In the cold and misty air
As the moonlight pierced
The shattered fragments
Of dreams untouched by love.
There is the sand
Where I first sat
To write such somber words,
From my very first verse to the last,
That would kiss the ear
And caress the cheeks under teary eyes.
Countless hours, days and years
Have all run upon the waves
With love in their hearts,
But never quite reached the shore...
And where am I now?
What has all of this meant?
I stand on the shore
And watch the world
Rolling by on the waves,
Oh, just as before.
So many words, so many verses,
And countless poems later...
What has it all changed?.......Nothing.
So this is how it feels
       When your words have no meaning.......

134. Love, The Unwritten Play

This charade;
     Oh, it’s all here in this little game.
Love is my play
     And all of my life is the stage.
I wander from here to there,
     Forgetting where I’ve been
     And looking only to tomorrow.
Life was straight; life was still too short.......
So end Act IV, Scene II, and open with Scene III,
For now as this scene ends,
     I look only to the next.
Oh, love is the unwritten play,
     And story after story ends,
For not until the heartbeat stops
     Will the curtain fall
     And the actors bow to the tears in their eyes...

133. Best Wishes For A Beautiful Pair

So glorious the rose
Of white satin dreams
I hold in my hand,
Suddenly, aturned shallow red
From this horrid life and thorns,
Of such angered illusions.
What little happiness I have--
What joy do I have left to hold
But this frail heart torn apart?
That just the sight of my dear friend
In the arms of such a girl
Would make me wish to live tomorrow,
To watch he and she grow together.
So that happiness could and will be yours,
And the eyes of the future will look
Upon the two of you with happiness,
                         love, and all of its beauty,
For the joy not in my heart
Will only grow in the smiles and life the both of you share.