232. Dear God, What Is This Life?

What is this life?
Dear God, what is this life?
Never am I happy.
So joyous,
What I always dreamt of,
What I always wished for,
What I always prayed for,
Sitting quietly in my hands.
How I cursed You,
And how I begged You,
Both at the same time.
How I tormented my heart
Fighting with You,
Pleading with You,
Please, just make me happy.
I fought seventeen long, quiet years--
Bitter, bitter years.
I fought so hard,
Just to make myself happy,
And one day,
One quiet day,
Walking alone at that school--
I can’t even remember now
What it was like being there--
I crossed her path...
Crossed her...
God, those eyes,
That hair,
That smile.
How I wanted to hold her,
Embrace her,
Feel the warmth of her love.
God, I wanted that more
Than anything in all the world.
And she gave it to me.
She took me away from it all
And placed the world in my hands.
And here I sit now,
Regretting more than anything
In all of my life,
That You made my dream come true,
That she made my dream come true.
And what did I do?
Just like everything else
In this quiet life,
I took it
And I threw it all away.
I threw it all away.
My dream came true,
So that I would know what it was like
To lose it...
Now my spirit is gone,
My heart is gone,
This world of love,
It’s all gone.
From here until eternity’s end,
From here until the day
I breath my last,
Write my last verse,
Never, never...
I swear by You...
Will I love another as her.
And I can only hope,
And I can only pray,
That sometime from now,
Happy in her world without me,
That she will remember,
Just remember what we shared,
For one split second,
And know,
Know that the life I live now,
The words that I write,
The words that I will write,
So help me, God,
Will always...always...
Reflect the beauty
       Of those gorgeous, loving brown eyes.......